Blues and Reds
by Quil Explodes
Summary: Jacob and Annie's story, to be read along Quil and Claire's story Imprint. Rated T just in case.
1. Chapter 1

This is Jacob's story (Jacob and Annie) from my Quil and Claire story Imprint. You don't really need to read one to read the other, but some things might be a bit confusing, or it might feel like something's missing if you only read one. So, just do whatever you want, and if there's any confusion tell me in a review or PM and I'll clear it up.

Read, enjoy, and review!

_It's nice to hear you're having a good time  
  But it still hurts 'cos you used to be mine  
  This doesn't mean that I possessed you    
You're haunting me because I let you  
 --N.I.T.A by the Young Marble Giants_

* * *

Bella. Bella's back.

An icy, stone-like version of Bella, but Bella all the same.

I run. What else am I supposed to do?

Billy's scared that I'm going to run away again. What is he thinking? Have I been anything but dependable since my minor breakdown how many years ago?

_Minor?_

Shut up, I tell whatever stupid little voice in my head that said that. I hate that voice. That voice has been there since Bella left. Maybe even before. Maybe it showed up before, maybe when she came back with her leech and maybe it's a stupid little conscience. Maybe some part of me feels guilty that I made her choose. Maybe? Some part of me? I tortured myself with that. I could see how much she was holding in the tears and pain that day...

_"You're obsessing."_

Obsessing? Really? You're starting to sound oddly like Embry.

_"Maybe because I am?" _He laughs in his head. _Damn you, _I think. Of course, I'm embarrassed at being caught so red-handedly showing feelings like this. And thoughts.

_"Hah. Sometimes I think you're--_" The thought breaks off and Embry frantically sings a song in his head.

I slam the walls down in my own head and wonder why none of the others ever wanted to learn how to do this, block out every single one of your thoughts you want to, with hardly any effort.

Well, maybe some. I try to forget how long it took me to learn how to do this, partly because I really didn't want to and partly because I was so distracted. But now the walls go down almost of their own accord.

I try to reason with myself. Just because Bella's truck..._appeared _doesn't mean she's back. I don't even know it's Bella's truck.

Yeah, right. With her painfully human scent still clinging to every surface and the new and old burning stench of leech? Not to mention a slightly more floral-ly vampire smell. Like someone tried to make the worst smell in the world smell good with flowers.

Of course it's Bella. Typical that she'd smell better than the average vampire. Of course, not enough to make it bearable, but just enough to make me wonder...

But why would she do that? Just leave the truck like that...why would she even--

Why would she not care so much that she could not care if that hurt me like it does? Does not being able to sleep and having to suck blood to survive make her so cold and--

Of course that hurts. Everything hurts, everything that has to do with her. And why now? I _had_ gotten over her, I _had_ moved on. But I still think about her, sometimes. I hope that it's mutual, but really, what good would it do? I knew she was a bloodsucker when I never saw her, never heard about her. Then a few years ago, Charlie called.

Why did he have to ask me? I wanted to tell him, I really did. But apart from him probably having a heart attack and dying, he'd set the entire Forks police force on us. _Us_, not the Cullens. Because of course, they'd be gone. Gone with Charlie's Bella, and of course he'd have blamed us.

But I didn't tell him. And not only because of Sam's order. I wouldn't have done that to him, either.

Luckily, though, my story held. Mostly because Billy told him how depressed I'd been when she "disappeared."

How I wish it had just been her disappearing. Then I wouldn't know exactly what had happened and exactly who she is with and exactly how she eats, or rather drinks, and doesn't sleep and kills ruthlessly. What does it matter if it was only animals? Sometimes I wonder if she eats ordinary wolves, sometimes my mind drifts but something in me tells me that she wouldn't do that.

Anyway, I knew what Bella felt about leaving Charlie and Renee. I knew how hard the decision was for her. But what could I do? I tried to tell Charlie as much as I could while telling him as little as I dared. I don't think he suspected anything.

Maybe that leech. Charlie never really liked him, not after he left. And that wouldn't exactly grow to affection if he found out Edward Cullen had cursed his daughter to an endless life of killing and sucking blood.

_"Hey, Jake?" _Embry's "voice" is tentative.

_"Yeah?"_

_"Are you going to...you know...talk to her? Look for her?"_

_"I don't know." _I'm telling him the truth, I really have no idea what I should do.

_"Huh. Well, don't take too long about deciding."_

_"Why not?"_

_"She might be gone soon, and if you do want to see her..."_

_"And what am I supposed to do? Call them up and see if they want to meet up for some coffee?" _I snort.

_"Yes, that's exactly what I was thinking. Only, maybe not coffee."_

_"I am not offering them blood." _I tell him.

_"That is NOT what I was insinuating, Jake." _Embry thinks that I'm being an idiot and my sense of humor has disappeared into the black hole Bella left. I don't even respond to him.

_"Yeah, I know." _I phase and run back home, worries and anticipation running around in my head. I dig through stacks of paper, under clothes and old electricity bills, old shopping lists, but I can't find that little piece of paper Bella gave me so many years ago. Why would I still have it? And it's ridiculous, apart from that. Why would they keep such an old phone?

But it's not like I can just go up and knock on their door. Maybe I should look in the phone book? Yeah, right.

But then I see it. I don't know how it could have stayed there for so long. There it is, seven little numbers written on a scrap of old homework, Bella's messy numbers perfectly readable.

I pick up the phone and dial before I change my mind. I expect the computer voice to come on, tell me that this number is not available or this line had been disconnected, and I'm so surprised when it rings that I almost drop it.

On the third ring, a velvet male voice says, "Hello?" He seems out of breath. How can a vampire be out of breath?

I almost hold the phone away from me on instinct, as if the stench and the hate can flow through telephone lines and air.

"Isn't this Bella's phone?" I say. I can hear the disgust even in my own voice. It's not like I want to try to hide it.

I hear a sharp intake of breath and a beautiful, smooth, cold female voice in the background say, "Edward?" Now it's my turn to stop breathing.

"Jacob Black."

"Yeah, whatever. Is Bella there?"

He sighs; the sound echoes perfectly.

"Edward?" This time it's closer. "Who is it?" Her voice sounds almost scared. Of course she heard me, I think. Why is she acting like she doesn't know who I am?

"Give the phone to Bella," I hiss.

"I'm really not sure--"

"Give the phone to Bella," I repeat. I'm sure she can just take it from him; she's probably just as strong as him, now.

A few seconds of silence and then a soft, "Jacob?"

I swear my heart stops, at least for a second. Then it comes back all too fast.

"Jake?" I realize I have to say something.

"Uh...hi, Bella."

She laughs softly, and it's almost human. It almost sounds like when she laughed when she was human.

I have to ask her about the truck. Right. "Did you..." I can't seem to form the words in my brain, let alone with my mouth. "Um...your truck..."

She sighs, sounding like Edward before. "Yeah."

"Why?" That's all I can even think to ask her.

"I thought you might want it."

"Why would I--"

"I don't know, Jacob," she says impatiently, and she sounds so much like she used to. I can just see her cheeks flush and her eyes sparkle as she flips her hair in front of her face.

"Why didn't you--just call or something." My question falls flat.

"I didn't want to--if you had--" She takes a deep breath. "If you had--well, I didn't want to--disturb..."

"This kind of disturbs me more, Bella." I try to keep my voice calm and even but I'm sure she can hear the anger and the pain.

"I'm sorry," she says simply.

"Don't you want it?"

"What?"

"The truck."

"I don't really care..." She sounds like she's about to cry but I know that's impossible. Vampires don't cry.

"Hey, Jake...why did you...call?"

I bite my lip. "Well, I thought it would be nice to know--everything. And I thought maybe..." I don't want to say it in case...

"What?"

"Maybe I could see you?" I rush out.

There's silence for a few minutes, and I can hear the leech talking in the background, but I can't understand what he's saying.

"I...I'm not sure that would be the best idea, Jake."

I let my breath out slowly. "You don't want to..." Even now, the fierce sting of rejection washes over me.

"I do, Jake, I do, believe me. But...what about you?"

"I wouldn't have asked you if I didn't want to, you know."

"I know, but..." Something tells me that's not what she means.

"Will you...?" I try not to think of what would happen if she looses control. Or if I do.

When I talk to her on the phone like this, I can almost imagine that she's human. If I just try to ignore the slight cold edge and the inhuman confidence in her tone, I can just see her as I remember...

"Maybe...yeah. Okay. But...Edward wants to talk to you." She whispers something to him that I can't understand.

"Jacob?" His voice is tense.

"What?"

"I'm going with her." It's a firm decision and nothing I say is going to change it. But I feel slightly relieved that it's not just going to be us alone, even if the bloodsucker doesn't make a very nice addition.

"Where?" I ask.

"The line?" He answers.

"Yeah, whatever." I shrug even though I know he can't see me. We both know exactly where we're talking about.

"When?" He asks. Bella says something. "Seven?"

"Today?"

"Yes." He sounds unhappy. "And Jacob? I suggest you bring someone too." The phone goes dead, I slam it down harder than necessary, breathing hard. When I was actually hearing her voice I felt so calm, but now it feels like I would shatter if I move an inch. But I glance at the clock. Six fifteen. I wonder why she wanted to meet so soon. Probably for the same reason I do. It's not that I want to get it over with, I just don't want it hanging over me.

I call Embry. He doesn't answer. I wasn't really expecting him to, so I phase. He's still out, running, and when I phase his mind shifts.

_"So?"_

_"So what?"_

_"What happened?" _He's annoyed, as usual, at the walls in my head. The pack finds it inconvenient, but of course they were glad _then _that I had learned how to block my thoughts and feelings. Or most of them.

I open my mind to him, or at least part of it. He sees what happened, and I ask him if he can come with me tonight.

_"Seven? What time is it?"_

_"Six fifteen, six thirty..."_

_"Shit."_

_"Come on."_

_"Why me? Where's Quil?"_

I snort. _"Quil would probably--"_

_"Yeah, yeah, I know." _He sighs. We both know that Quil isn't exactly the most...stable person at the moment. Not that I blame him. With everything with Claire...

But that isn't the only reason I asked Embry. He is just more...calm, controlled...much like Sam, but I knew that as much as he might read my mind, he still doesn't understand about Bella.

_"Thanks so much." _I roll my eyes as Embry snickers. Not always the most _mature, _of course...

He sniffs. _"So? Are we planning on going?"_

_"It's kind of early."_

_"We'll go around."_

We take a roundabout route to the line on that road where we said we'd meet. As soon as my mind jumps from patrolling and running, I can feel the butterflies dancing in my stomach. I slow down.

_"Come on, Jake." _Embry rolls his eyes but he's sympathetic.

We approach the invisible line, and two shadowy but almost glowing forms step out of the trees. My first thought is that Bella's taller--not by that much, but enough to make a difference. I can't see her face that well but I still almost can't breath, and not just because the stench of leech.

The taller form leans down and whispers something to the smaller one. I growl. He just always has to be in my head. _You are so irritating, _I think.

"You don't have to scream." He shrugs. "What can I do? Try blocking it yourself." He turns and I see him just as he always was. I wasn't really surprised--what was I expecting, anyways? Gray hair?

Both Embry and Edward snicker, but stop after a second. It's tense and short. Bella looks confused, then annoyed. It's just the same expression as I've seen before when Edward and I have carried on conversations half in my head and half out loud, but it looks completely different on this face.

It's eerily Bella and eerily not Bella. She's beautiful, but it's the kind of beautiful that makes me want to kill her. She has the same big wide eyes, but they're a light gold, not that deep chocolate brown. They look out of place on her face, almost. The same nose, the same full lips, the same hair, only thicker and longer and more reddish.

_"I'm going to phase back," _I tell Embry. He nods and we both go a little ways into the woods. I phase, pull on a pair of cutoff's and walk quickly back. Embry meets me there, dressed similarly. I feel sort of numb...there's no pain, not at the moment. But I know it'll come. I prepare myself for it at the same time as almost welcoming it.

When Bella looks at me I hear the breath catch in her throat, and her wide eyes go even wider. Then she smiles--a lopsided, beautiful half-grin. But I tense in spite of myself, resisting the urge to tear her to pieces. Every part of me objected me letting two vampires so close.

The grin fades and Bella is serious again. Edward just scowls at me.

I don't even know what to say, now that I'm confronted with it, with her in this ice cold, freezing...

"Jake!" Embry's hissing my name even though we both know they can hear it. He tries to tell me with a look but I don't get it.

"Your friend wants you to hurry up and stop wasting--"

_"Get out of my head," _Embry growls. He glares at them.

"You don't need to stay, you know," I tell him.

"Yeah, I actually do." He walks backwards so his back is against the tree, leaning there but ready if he needs to be to fight. Bella's looking at Embry, but his scowl doesn't lessen and he looks away from her.

"Jake..." She turns to me and I can't breath for a second.

"Yeah?" I ask roughly.

"I'm sorry, Jake. I'm really sorry." I flinch as the dull pain starts pounding at my heart.

"Why are you apologizing? You're happy. That's good." I can hear the bitterness in my own voice. But Bella just looks sadder. I still can't think of her as _leech, bloodsucker, parasite, vampire. _She's still Bella...well, for everyone else, at least. Now she's just my enemy. But still Bella. Still my best friend and I still love her. But I love the human Bella, not this vampire. I just can't, no matter how hard I try.

"Yes, but are you?"

"I _was._" She bites her lip at the implication in my tone and I can see her grip on the now-silent leech's hand next to her tighten as I continue. "Why did you have to do that? It wasn't like I needed a truck." I scoff.

"Your Rabbit still working, then?"

I hesitate, then nod. "Yeah, of course." I'm still waiting for an answer, and she knows that.

"I just..." She glances up at Edward and I clench my fists.

"Whatever, Bella. It doesn't matter." I turn slightly and glance back at Embry.

"Wait."

"What?" I snap.

"To tell you the truth, Jacob, we just left it there. I didn't realize until...well, until it was too late. I'm sorry. It was just gone. I knew...I mean..." It's a strange thing, to see a vampire lost for words.

"And what were you doing here anyways? Do you realize you're breaking the tre--"

"Damn the treaty."

"What?" I'm shocked and Embry narrows his eyes.

"Sam is _not _going to be happy, Jake. Especially since you go now and _meet _them."

"He'll deal." His eyes widen slightly then he sighs almost inaudibly.

"Your problem," I hear him mutter.

Edward chuckles slightly and I glare at him.

"Edward..." Bella says softly, almost as a question. He meets her eyes and I can see a silent exchange going on, and then she nods almost imperceptibly.

"We were just passing through," Edward says as if there was no interruption.

"Just passing through." I repeat in disbelief. They're _just passing through _somewhere they had no right to be and they _just happen _to forget their truck exactly where I would _just happen _to find it.

"It wasn't exactly..._our _truck."

"No, you're exactly right," I spit. "It was Bella's." They both notice the use of the past tense and hardly show a reaction. _This_ Bella wouldn't want an old truck like that. _This_ Bella wouldn't want to go that slowly.

"You're wrong." Edward says. I ignore him.

"Are you all here?" Embry speaks up, probably for Sam.

Edward just hesitates and Bella glances at him. "Just us and Alice and Jasper," he finally says. "But the others aren't too far away."

"Did you realize that you're breaking the treaty?" I ask softly, looking at Bella. It's almost hard to speak.

She nods slowly. "We understand."

"Well." Embry pushes away from the tree he was leaning on. "That was nice and all but we really have to be going." Sarcasm drips from every syllable. He hates them, even more than I do. More than I hate _him_. Bella's different...of course I...hate her, just because of how she smells and looks and talks. But the love and hate battle each other in me, and I don't know which one wins.

Edward walks off a few paces back towards Forks, and Embry a few the other way. Bella steps forward until she's just at the line, and I realize I had walked up to the edge too.

"Bella...I don't know what you want, but really, I can't give it to you." She flinches slightly and I get a sudden image of Bella in the Rabbit that night, clutching her arms around herself and almost falling apart. I hear a slight growl from the woods. Too bad if he doesn't like what he sees in my head. It's _my _head, after all.

"Jacob--" She breaks off suddenly and blinks, her eyes close for a millisecond but I imagine that they'll be brown again when she opens them. But they're the cold butterscotch; I know I wasn't really expecting anything different.

"What, Bella, why are you here?" I try not to breath; the stench is almost overwhelming.

She looks down but I can still see pain in her eyes. She reaches out and touches my arm lightly with ice cold fingers and I react immediately. I hear myself growl but manage not to touch her again as I jump back away from her. She turns and walks back to her bloodsucker.

Something in me tells me to ask them. So I do. "How long are you here?"

He turns back around but she doesn't. "We would like to stay for a while, as we have some business to take care of. But if that won't work, we can always--"

"We'll talk to Sam." I say shortly, and he nods and they walk away. He wraps his arm around Bella's shoulders, pulling her close to him, and I don't even feel like ripping his head off.

I stand there for a second before the pain comes in waves, and then I slide to the ground against a tree, burying my face in my hands and I hardly hear whatever it is Embry's saying.

--

"What. The hell." Sam's furious voice rings across the room and cuts through the agony. "What were you _thinking, _Jacob? _Embry?"_

"I just went to make sure he didn't do anything stupid." Embry says quietly.

"And of course the idea of telling us didn't even cross your mind," Sam spits. "Jake. Come on. Why are you being such an _idiot?"_

"I wasn't being an idiot." Even I can hear every single one of my emotions in my voice. I can't manage to get the boundaries up, the mask in place. Sam sighs at my feeble protest.

"Embry, go get Seth and Leah."

"What?"

"Just do it." His voice is sharp, commanding.

"Why them?" Embry doesn't leave but stands up. "What about Quil? Paul?"

"Do you really think Quil is going to be much use to us right now? And Paul..." He runs a hand through his hair and Embry leaves quickly.

Sam doesn't try to talk to me but I can feel his eyes boring into me as I stare at the ground and try to control the pain running through me, pain I thought I was done with, but I can't do anything so I just bury my face in my arms on the table.

We wait in silence and Embry finally returns after what seems like hours, Seth and Leah on his heels. Leah looks at me but I hardly register the sympathy in her gaze. The pain's almost as bad as before, such a long time ago, but now I have the fresh image of what she has become etched permanently in my head.

"Guys!" Sam says and Leah scowls but at Sam's warning look she doesn't say anything about this injustice.

"How long did they say they were staying? How many?"

"Them and two more. But the others are close, apparently." Embry answers. "They had to stay 'a while' to do some 'business' but I said we'd have to talk about whether that would be okay, seeing how they broke the treaty."

Just those three words sends sharp, shooting pain between my head and chest. I don't lift my head and they don't talk directly to me. I half listen to what they're saying, about whether they should be allowed to stay. I can sense someone's gaze on me but I don't care who's it is. I don't really care about anything, I realize. Not right now.

Chairs scraped back, mumbles, a door opening. I feel a light touch on my shoulder and look up to see Leah.

"It'll be okay, Jake. You'll see." I just shrug and she frowns and leaves with Seth.

Embry pulls on my arm a second later. "Come on." Sam's nowhere to be seen. Probably with Emily, I think, and there's more pain.

"Jake, you have to go home." I feel myself nod and I gather some semblance of control, enough to get home, at least. We leave and walk silently. I don't have anything to say, except, what? I'm sorry?

I open the door and hear Billy call out, "Jake? That you?"

"Yeah," I answer. He wheels out of the kitchen slowly and takes one look at my face and swears. Again, I don't have anything to say. I just go to my room, close the door, and collapse on my bed, letting myself drown.

--

But of course I dream, because I can't just have ten hours of oblivion.

It's just Bella. Bella and her bloodsucker just walking away. Her eyes. Her eyes were the worst. Just like them. If they were the same beautiful brown I think I might be able to handle the rest. Then at least I could delude myself that she's still human, still happy.

_She _is_ happy, _that little annoying voice tells me. _Without you. Get over it._

_Shut up. _I give that voice the response I always do. I had too many voices in my head already, it didn't have to add on another one. I wonder vaguely if I'm going crazy.


	2. Chapter 2

_Okay...so, I read Breaking Dawn. I'm not even going to try to talk about it here. But this story will continue as if it didn't happen, so don't worry about spoilers if you haven't read it yet._

_So I kinda realized that the walls Jacob puts up to, you know, block out the pack are kind of like the wall in The Wall by Pink Floyd because he's blocking out all his friends and isolating himself. Just a random thought._

_Anyways, sorry for the delay for my Quil/Claire story, I just need to get this caught up to it and then I'll continue. Please REVIEW and enjoy!!_

_My mouth fell open  
Hoping that the truth  
Would not be true  
Refuse the news  
--Tear jerker by Red Hot Chili Peppers_

* * *

"Come on, Jake. It won't be so bad. It'll be fun." Emily tries to convince me, again, to go to the pack "meeting" that always ends up like a party anyways.

I take a deep breath. I don't want to say no to her, again. Apart from feeling horrible myself, Sam will probably get even angrier than he already is at me, because I hurt Emily. "Okay," I say, not really knowing or caring what I'm getting myself into.

Her face lights up with a huge smile. "Thanks, Jake. I promise it'll be fun." I just shrug. Sure, it'll be fun. As fun as anything is now.

"I'm not going to be very good company," I warn her. She just smiles slightly and goes back to her cooking.

I wonder, again, why I'm not even trying to get over this. Maybe I just need some time, after each time I see her, to get over her, again.

"Jacob!" Sam says loudly. "Patrol. Now." He jerks his thumb to the door. "Leah's waiting."

At least it's Leah, rather than Sam, or Embry, or anyone else. Sam just pairs me with her, again, like after Bella left before. It seems she's the only one who can handle it. But now I can put up my walls, or at least most of the time. Maybe he's just wary because of that one time when he almost had a heart attack. The rest don't even try. Embry says it's bad enough to be around me as a human.

_"Why are you just giving up, Jake?" _Leah echoes my own thoughts after I phase. I block with sort of half-walls.

I don't answer. What do I say? I just sort of shrug my shoulders, as much as you can as a wolf.

She sighs, and I immediately feel horrible again, like after I said no to Emily, before I finally said yes.

She shakes her head and we patrol in relative silence, but I can still faintly hear her mumblings of how I should just get over it. I know I should. I just...can't. How can you just make the pain disappear? Leah knows that, but it doesn't stop her from trying.

It's sort of like going back in time, and I'm not angry about this pain. It's just like before, maybe worse, maybe not. I don't know, I don't care. It's just there, and there's nothing I can do about it.

_Yes there is._

_Will you shut up! _The same response but the words still eat at me. There is, everyone tells me.

Leah changes back and I stay as a wolf for a while, because the pain's more bearable and it's nice to be alone. But then I change back and go into Sam and Emily's house, even though I don't think I can pretend to be happy now.

Emily smiles when she sees me, and I have to smile back. But it disappears soon, and then Colin comes up to me. "Hey Jake."

I wave at him. His eyebrows furrow. "Jeez. You need something to drink." I wonder how bad I look.

I snort. He knows I hate drinking. We all do, to a certain extent. I hate the feeling of being completely powerless, completely unaware. If a bloodsucker attacked me after I drank I would probably let it. That's what freaks me out.

Colin disappears and then appears a few seconds later. "Here." He holds out something. I take it. The glass is cool against my palm. I take a sip and almost enjoy the burn down my throat. It's like fire, and it nicely counteracts the ice. Emily frowns at me and Colin. He swears and disappears.

I swirl the liquid, watching the patterns it makes, and take another sip. It distracts me, yeah. But I know I'll regret it.

"Jake?" I look up.

"Claire! Hey."

"Where's Quil?" The question's unavoidable.

I sigh. "He'll be here soon."

She asks me if I'm okay and I shrug.

"What happened?" She asks. Then she says, "Does this have to do with Bella? And...Edward?" I flinch as the pain invades through walls and the fire in my throat and stomach. I take another sip. I say of course it does.

Her expression changes, something I can't read, or don't try to. "What--"

"Hey, Claire." Something about the voice that says that makes me drag my eyes up to the girl. My fingers don't seem to work and I drop my glass, barely registering the shattering tinkle. I stare at the girl, the way her dark hair flows down her shoulders and back and her red lips talking to _me--_I don't even know what she says, only that she's talking to me and then it stops. The pain disappears, now I only feel the fire and some strange, dull, ache. It feels like everything's spinning except her, everything's spinning around her. My vision blurs with red--it's a different fire now, all hot and red down my back and I know I have to get out of there so I run out even though it's hard to walk away from that beautiful girl with brown eyes staring right through mine.

I burst out of the house, ignoring Emily's and Quil's broken questions. The fire rages through me but I can't phase, I just think that I can't phase. I need to go back--first I need to leave now I need to go back--but I can't go back, I might phase and hurt someone--one someone.

I know what's happened to me somewhere in me but I can't think of that because I just need to concentrate on controlling the anger and the heat. I slump against a tree a bit into the cool forest and--

"Jacob! What the hell--" Sam stops when he sees me. "Dammit, Jake, what the hell is wrong with you, first this now--" He stops again. His expression changes and the anger's gone, replaced by shocked understanding. After a second he runs a hand through his hair and sighs. "So?"

"What?" I manage. Suddenly the pain's back and I don't know how much more I can handle of this, this constantly changing emotions. I'm going to fall apart, I think. Just like Bella. They're going to tear me apart. Then the fear. I cover my face with my hands and bite my lips closed so I don't make a sound.

"Who is it?" He frowns, trying to think.

"Claire's friend," I mumble. He'll find out eventually anyways.

He raises and eyebrow and half-smiles. "So?" He says again. "Aren't you going to go back?"

"No."

He raises his hands and drops them back down. "And why not?"

I shrug.

"Well, when you're ready, I guess..." He shakes his head like I'm crazy and goes back to the house.

I just sit there. I don't even try to recognize or fight any of the emotions now, just let them run through me, waiting for it to be over. But it won't be over.

My mind wanders, trying to find a distraction, but all I can think of is her and then I just need more of a distraction. I never really realized what it felt like, even with being in Sam's and Jared's and Quil's heads all this time. I never really realized it, and it's like a cruel idea of a joke, adding all this feeling on top of what I already had. But then I think of Bella and I notice that I haven't even thought of her. Only _her, _with her long red-black hair and those light brown eyes. I feel like a rope's pulling me back.

I don't know how long it's been, but I hear people leaving. Faint mumbling voices travel over the wind to me. Then Sam comes back. He asks me what I'm going to do, and I just shrug. I don't know, I tell him. His calm mask is still on but I can see the patience with me wearing quite thin beneath it. Everything's kind of fuzzy.

"What do you mean, you don't know?"

I shrug again. "She's not going to wait around forever, you know."

I try to ignore the pain this time. And the fierce ache, like an empty stomach but a hundred times worse. "Just let me deal with it, okay?" Just leave me alone, I want to yell. I just want to be alone.

"Why can't you just accept it and deal?" His voice raises in volume.

"You don't understand, Sam. You have no idea."

"I have no idea?" He laughs shortly. "Leah was no Bella, no, but it was the same. You think I liked hurting her? And Bella doesn't even give a shit!"

I know he's right but I still don't listen to him. It still hurts a bit, that Bella "doesn't give a shit." But not as much as I thought it would. Not as much as it should. "Don't say that," I tell him. "That's not true."

"It's true, Jacob. And when you wake up and realize you could have it so much better, all you have to do is_ listen to your damn alarm clock _you'll hate yourself. Trust me, I know."

Alarm clock? "You don't know!" How could he know? He has absolutely no idea what I'm feeling right now. "How could you know? I don't even know her, how can I love her?" I can hear my voice going soft as I said that. But it's true. I care about this girl. And I don't even know her name. For me, the only way I've ever really felt this before, it was so gradual I don't know when it actually happened, really, with Bella. But this? I don't know if I can get used to this.

"You don't know Bella anymore, Jacob."

"Yes I--yes I do." She's still the same. Okay, with gold eyes and I can't touch her or I freak. But she's still Bella.

Sam just grumbles and stomps away from me. "When you realize your wrong and you need help, Jake, come see me," he says over his shoulder. "But until then, don't even talk to me." Then he says, "He's crazy. Crazy. I can't believe him. He's fucking out of his mind. Will you please talk to him!" Who's he talking to?

Then I hear, "Jacob!" Why couldn't they just--the anger overwhelms me and I explode. It's so sudden, and over so fast. I step quietly to where Quil is standing, Claire close at his side. I feel a prick of something uncomfortable, something I don't know.

"Get your human ass back here right now, Jake. We can't talk to you like this."

I roll my eyes. I don't really _want _to talk to him but I phase back, and luckily there's some shorts around. I figure Sam keeps some out here, if he ever needs to phase fast.

"What?" I ask him when I go back, human. He asks me what my problem is. Why are people always asking me what my problem is? I just want to be alone, now, that's all I want. But it's not likely. Not any time soon.

"Jake." He's stepping in front of Claire and I calm down. I don't even notice the anger this time. And what if next time I snap I--

Then Claire says, "She's my friend too, you know. You're both my friends. And even though I have no idea what your problem with her is, you should deal with it, because she's being affected by it too." That's all it takes for the anger to be replaced with shame. And I don't know what to do.

I tell them to go away. "You're not making this easier." Quil asks me what there is to fight. It's not fair to her.

What's she feeling right now, I wonder? Is she even thinking about me, about how I acted? I feel suddenly guilty, what if something happens to her, just because I'm not there to--

That's ridiculous. She's perfectly fine. She has

been her entire life and she'll continue to be. With or--this sends a sharp pang through me--without me.

They keep talking to me and I keep responding how I can think of responding. "Those experiences were years ago, Jacob," Quil finally says. "Bella made her choice and it wasn't you." This doesn't even hurt now, when they say that. Not like before. "You got over her. You got on with your life. If one truck and a five minute meeting with a beautiful vampire and her husband is going to change that, I don't know what to say. I do know that you won't be able to stay away. I couldn't, and I didn't have all the--well, all the--" He glares at me meaningfully and walks away with Claire.

I know what he's talking about, though. I let myself think about her, and I find myself wanting more of her than that quick, blurry glimpse I had. I have to stop myself from going and finding her right now. And why can't I? Quil's right, Claire's right, Sam's right. Why don't I just listen to them?

--

I go to the cliffs that evening, and sit on the edge, swinging my feet down above the roiling white/green ocean.

I think about last time I was here, sitting like this, thinking like this. Well, not quite like this. It's strange; now that I'm alone I just...it's almost peaceful, and I almost feel...well, _normal_ would be taking it a little to far, but apart from that ache, that slight ache in my stomach or my heart or whatever it is...

"Hey, Jake." Leah comes up from behind and sits on my right. Another, strong sense of déjà vu washes over me and I realize it's actually happened. But there's no dread, because Leah just plops next to me silently, and there's just the comfort that you get when there's another person who actually knows you sitting next to you, and there's no pressure. I think about last time again, and how she teased and tortured me and how I hurt her, and I don't wish for any of it back.

"What are you thinking?" She asks me.

"Just about last time." I can talk to her without guarding my every word or expression. I guess you could say we had gotten pretty close, but how could you not? With all the months and months of being in each other's head when Sam set us patrols together...she had lost some of her bitterness and I had (partially) gotten over Bella. Well, that had taken a bit longer. But it was so easy with her, once we got over, well, everything. And the reason we could be so close was that there was absolutely nothing between us and it's going to stay that way, and we both know that.

"Last time?"

"Yeah."

"Oh. Right." She glances over me and laughs suddenly.

"What's so funny?" I ask.

"Oh, just how immature we were."

I can't help but let out a short laugh, remembering. If you minus all the pain, it would have actually been quite comical.

"Jake..."

"Oh, don't you start on me too, Leah," I tell her, irritated.

She lets out her breath in a huff and stands up. "I wasn't planning on it."

"Oh. Sorry." She sits back down restlessly. We both look out at the endless ocean. The wind makes it wilder, and it seems almost alive.

"Jake..."

"I was planning on letting you finish that sentence, but..."

She smacks my arm. "Okay, okay. I was just going to say that..." I raise an eyebrow. "Jeez! I'm not _starting on you, _but I'm just telling you that--"

"That everyone's right and I should just suck it up and and be normal, right?"

She grins. "Well, _normal _might be a bit of an exaggeration, but at least a relatively average freaky imprinting werewolf would do."

My smile disappears and I'm suddenly hopeless. "I just don't know what to do, Leah," I say softly, looking away from her, at the ground, the sky, the ocean, anything.

She wraps her arms around me, and I do the same, after a second, after the shock wears off a bit. This is rare for Leah, even with Seth, and it actually means something to me, as corny as that is. I feel like I'm in a bad movie.

"The question isn't what to do, Jacob. We all know you'll do the right thing." She takes a deep breath and pulls away. "The only question is when."

"Thanks so much, that's so helpful," I mutter, and she smiles again. We sit in peaceful silence, watching the waves be buffeted by the wind and the sky roll with huge black clouds.

* * *

_Please review!!_


	3. Chapter 3

_Where does he come from what did he do,  
You know the answers are his hopes and promises nothing new  
With no regrets he goes on doing nothing.  
Himself alone, but still he finds all the time isn't wasted,  
His life his own and yet he's killing the time.  
--Time to Kill by Gentle Giant_

* * *

I dream, but I have no idea what I dream of. When I wake up, I feel all nervous. Not nervous like about to fight a bloodsucker nervous. Not I'm-about-to-die nervous. Not even the nervous I felt when I was going to see Bella again. Sweaty and nervous, like I'm a little kid again, starting a race. _Ready, set...go!_

Go. _Go. "Go."_

So many different voices telling me to do the same thing. Just a little glimpse, I tell myself. Just one little glimpse. But I know that won't be it. I know once I see her I won't be able to walk away again. I know how it was for Quil and I know it's only a matter of time before I snap.

But do I really want to involve her in my screwed up, mythological life?

_That's not it, and you know it. _

_Shut the hell up._

I go, but not where I know I should. I run. It's like a freaking string stretching out from my heart. That ridiculous empty ache's still there, too. I feel like an old punching bag. I wish someone would just come finish me off, so I would rip into shreds and die.

_Punching bags don't die. You're being melodramatic._

_Shut up. _Shut up, shut up, shut up...like a mantra. What if this stupid, annoying voice actually has a brain?

_Of course it does. It's you. And you have a brain. Surprisingly. _It sounds like an afterthought.

_Shut...up..._

You know Bella's probably miles away, hundreds of thousands and probably doesn't ever think of you and even if she does she'd only be happy that you're happy. Or at least that you can be.

I know she's here. Right here, so close, and yet I have absolutely no desire to see her. Talk to her. Someone else, on the other hand, I would love to even get a fleeting glimpse of.

Quil phases. It's all about Claire, and I try not to listen to what's in his head.

And I realize I'm _angry _at Bella. Pissed off, flaming mad, literally. Who gave her the right to march into my life and ruin it for all future use? I _hate _her.

No. I don't hate her. I just don't give a shit, just like her. But that doesn't mean I still can't hate her. It feels good to hate someone who isn't your pack brother, or sister. And I don't even feel bad about it, about hating Bella, whereas whenever I'm mad at Leah or Embry or Seth it's like..._wrong._

Quil picks up on my thoughts, sending them back to me. I tell him to shut up, but he knows I don't really mean it. He doesn't want to see my thoughts. _"Can't you put up your walls?" _He asks. I stop blocking his mind and come up with a head full of images...feelings...all Claire, of course, but Quil doesn't like it much. He growls, and I think, _"Hypocrite."_

He tackles me, snapping at my throat and we roll around on the mossy green forest floor.

And then he has to mess it all up by telling me to go talk to her.

_"I can't." _He can see the truth behind my words but he can also see the pain.

_"Why not?"_

_"Just can't."_

_If this is because of Bella, I'm going to murder him... _He thinks.

_"This isn't because of Bella," _I tell him. When I say it it's almost like it made it even more true, and I feel a whole lot lighter. He tells me to explain things to her. I laugh. Is he actually serious?

_"Just explain what you can. Leave out the part where you're a werewolf in love with her."_

_"I'm not in love with her." _I try to make the words come true just by saying them, thinking them.

_"Next you're going to say you're not a werewolf." _Quil snorts. _"Just deal with the fact that you are." _Again, that question. How can I love her if I don't know her? I've seen her once in my life, for crying out loud.

Quil tells me it's the whole point, then tells me to phase or block my thoughts because he can't stand it. My walls spring up, effortlessly, and I sigh sort of resignedly.

We patrol but there's nothing, not a hint of bloodsucker. Of course, we ignore the sharp knife of the Cullens' scent coming from near Forks.

After a while, I phase back, leaving Quil alone with thoughts of Claire. I go to the garage and mess around with some car Colin brought over. It's good to keep my hands busy, even if my mind's free to wander...

I swear there's nothing I don't think right then. I think of all the horrible things that can happen to her, plus some other quite good things, but then I make myself stop because Collin would probably kill me if I smash his car, and since it's the only smash-able thing around, I force myself to think other thoughts.

--

I run patrol around her house. I know it's a bit stalker-esque, but I have to know she's safe. I find her pretty easily, just following that convenient little string right to the house down the road from Claire's.

Collin phases about ten at night, and he asks me how his car's doing. I try my best not to think of the minor dents and scratches.

When he sees where I am he almost laughs. He's happy. But he phases back quickly, leaving me alone again.

I think how easy it would be to just...well, maybe not right at this moment, but how easy it would be to just...like everyone's saying. It would be so easy. I could just go talk to her, maybe even ask her out like a normal person.

I snort. Yeah, right. And we'll see how far that goes. Until she sees me explode into a giant wolf and rip apart bloodsucking monsters. Well, she wouldn't actually see that. But you get the point.

But I look at how happy Kim is, and Emily, and Claire when Sam allows her to be. And I feel like I should jump off a cliff when I think that I'm keeping that from her. She deserves to be happy.

But will I make her happy? The ache in my stomach, or heart, or whatever it is, makes me almost double over. I want to so badly, I want so much to make her happy.

_So why don't you?_

I growl, even though it's completely ridiculous. I realize I didn't tell it to shut up.

_Well, you know what, shut the hell up. And don't say anything else. Ever._

_Anything._

Am I that annoying? Or is it just this stupid little voice that I've almost gotten over how weird that is to talk to a voice in my own head?

I head towards home, my stomach suddenly growling with hunger.

When I walk in, I see Billy watching a game on TV, and wave at him. He smiles. "Hey, Jake. What's up?"

I shake my head. "Nothing."

He turns off the TV and turns to me. I'm suddenly curious, because whatever it is that made him turn off whatever important game is on must be pretty important.

"You sure?"

"What? Yeah, I'm sure nothing's up."

He raises an eyebrow.

"Okay...the ceiling." I steal Quil's line.

He grins. "I heard what happened."

I freeze. Do they gossip like a couple of old ladies sitting in front of their windows all day? Is there one thing that happens in anyone's life that doesn't get passed around the circuit of telephone lines and telepathic connections?

"Jake." He looks pointedly at my clenched fists. I throw up my hands.

"What?"

He wheels himself into the kitchen and rummages in the fridge. "Hungry?"

"Yeah."

He pulls something out and wheels to the table, smiling sadly at the pile of fried fish in his hands.

"Don't tell me that's fifteen years old," I say. I thought Harry was the only one who could make that, and...

He chuckles. "Sue brought it over today."

"Ah." I heat up the fish and we eat in silence.

"Jake." I knew it had to come again some time. And I can't escape to my room fast enough. I take a deep breath.

"Yeah. I know."

"What?"

"I know I'm being stupid." I'm tired of people telling me everything they're telling me. It's all the same.

"I wasn't going to say you're being stupid," Billy says. "Well, maybe you are. But stubborn isn't always stupid."

"Sure, sure," I mutter.

"What's she like?" I swear my mouth drops open in shock.

"No need to have a stroke, Jake." Billy chuckles again. "I'm honestly curious."

"I--I don't know."

"You don't know?"

"I don't know her, Dad! Just because I freaking imprinted doesn't mean I already know her! I haven't spoken a word to her in my life!"

"You haven't?"

"No, I haven't, because, as you probably already know, the first and only time I saw her I ran away before anyone could open their mouths to talk!"

He frowns, and I feel immediately guilty for snapping at him. It's not his fault I'm being stupid, after all. He was only trying to help. "Sorry. I'm going to bed. I'll do the dishes tomorrow." I leave before he can say another word.

I flop down on my bed, not even bothering to change out of the dirty sweatpants and t-shirt I put on after I phased. Somehow I manage to doze off, but it feels like I wake up two seconds later, and my mind's racing. I know there's no hope of going back to sleep anytime soon, so I get up, check to make sure Billy's asleep, run outside, strip, and phase. The second my four legs hit the ground I start running, flying through the trees.

_"Hey, Jake." _Leah's out too, running faster than anyone else can hope to. She's like a ghost in the forest. I steer to where she is, and she turns towards me.

_"Couldn't sleep?" _I ask her.

_"No. You?"_

_"Same." _I don't bother telling her why. I have no walls up now, and she can see everything I'm thinking.

She comes out of nowhere, pounces on me. I yelp and she's standing over me, panting slightly. She laughs, and I hear it in her mind and out. Our breath makes puffs of fog in the cold night air.

I shove her off me and she starts running. I can't see her after a second. I rush after her, but I have no hope of catching up.

_"You're right." _She laughs again and comes back, trotting a little ahead of me. I put on a burst of speed and we run all the way to the cliffs. We sit down, and I feel more awake than I have in weeks.

I sigh. Of course, I have to think of things I'd rather not think of right now.

_"You're hopeless."_

_"Thanks."_

It's silent for a moment, just the endless waves and thoughts. But it's not so bad, sharing your thoughts with just one person, especially Leah.

_"Aw. I'm flattered."_

I roll my eyes and she bursts out laughing. _"What?" _I ask.

_"You're just funny."_

_"But I didn't say anything."_

_"You're still funny."_

Whatever.

Leah lies down, resting her head on her paws. _"Sit," _she thinks at me. I do as she says. _"Good dog."_

Huh. I roll my eyes again and lie down like Leah.

_"Hey, Jake?"_

_"What?"_

_"Don't kill me, okay?"_

_"Okay, now I'm scared. What?"_

_"You're such a drama queen." _I snort, and the most ridiculous image involving me on a stage pops up in her head. She laughs.

_"That's a good one, make sure Embry sees it."_

_"Will do."_

_"I was _joking_!"_

She just sniffs.

_"So, what were you saying?" _I ask her.

_"I was just wondering what you're going to do." _When I sigh she adds, _"I'm honestly curious!"_

_"Sure, sure."_

_"Jake. Really. I really want to know."_

_"Well, sorry, 'cause I don't know either."_

She huffs out a breath. _"You haven't thought about it at all?"_

I breathe in in amazement. _"You're joking, right?"_

_"Sure. But really." _She's still waiting for an answer.

_"Well, you're the girl!" _I say.

_"Excuse_ _me?"_

_"What? Sorry, you are. Maybe you can help me here?"_

_"I'm not going to say it."_

_"Why not?"_

_"Because you'll get all huffy and run away again."_

_"I will not."_

_"You promise?"_

_"I swear."_

_"Okay. You need to talk to her." _I was about to jump up when she reminded me smugly of my promise. I huffed and stared at the black ocean.

_"You're huffing."_

I held in all my replies and asked her to clarify why, exactly, I should talk to her. _"Okay, well, Jake, if I really have to spell it out for you, usually guys make the first move, especially in a situation like this. And maybe since you're the one who ran away from her, you should be the one who comes back."_

_"Well, I feel like an idiot." _I say.

Leah grins. _"Good. Race you back?"_

_"Oh, no. You're just determined to make my ego drop as low as it can go, aren't you?"_

She raises an eyebrow. _"Maybe below sea level will be enough. Wanna take a dive?" _She walks to the edge and looks down.

_"Not...really, actually," _I say. _"But I will race you back," _I finish my sentence as I leap away from her. She yelps in protest and runs to catch up, but I push my legs faster than they can go and we stay neck-to-neck the whole way back.

"A glitch," Leah teases me calmly when she finds me after we phase back and dress.

"Of course," I try to keep from laughing as I play along. I'm wonderfully exhausted. She picks a leaf out of my hair and waves as she walks back home.

--

Time passes. Sometimes I can't sleep like that night, and I go run, sometimes with Leah, sometimes alone. That hollow empty ache won't go away but I get used to it eventually.

Then one day I have to go to the store, to pick up some more food. On my way back to the house, walking because it's past awkward to try to tie a bag of groceries to your leg, I see her. I swear my heart jumps up to my throat, and I almost feel like I'm choking.

Her eyes meet mine for a second, then she blushes and hides behind her hair. I tear my eyes from her and walk the opposite direction, as fast as I can without arousing suspicion. I still can't get her pink cheeks and endless brown eyes out of my head. But the second I'm away from her the regret drowns me, that I didn't...do anything. _Anything._

Later, I patrol. I take Quil's so he can go hang out with Claire (and so I can occupy my mind). Something about her mom being out so he could finally see her. Luckily it's Embry who's patrolling with me.

After about ten minutes of running north-east Embry stops suddenly and swears.

_"It's just one, we can handle it," _I tell him not to call the others. We run after it silently, but seems to know exactly where we are. It laughs. We both know that there's something off with this one, something more than just a nomadic leech.

It stops and we're close enough to see that he's huge, with longish, wavy dark hair. Black eyes.

_"Uh, Jake?" _Embry's looking to the right of the big male and I follow his gaze.

Another one's looking right at us, smiling slightly. A female, dark hair and scarlet eyes. Recently fed. Embry growls.

_"I take it back." _We both howl as loud as we can, hoping it will carry all the way back to La Push. The woman gasps and a hand flies up to her mouth. She stares at me. Whispers something to the man. "Strong?" He asks. "Unbreakable." She says. "I think that's the point." He says. She hisses and mutters something.

"Not yet." He says. Do they not know we can hear, or do they want us to?

Sam phases and sees what we're seeing and phases again. Minutes later, there's Leah and Seth, Collin and Brady, Quil, Embry, Paul, Jared. Everyone.

_"Sam, maybe you're being just a _bit_ overcautious..."_

He hears me through the babble of "voices" and shakes his head. They're all running as fast as they can towards us. _"Brady, get Jack."_

He disappears. Embry's growling gets louder and he sniffs the air. He's about to go after them when Sam's stops him. _"Just wait till we get there. There's more, following us." _Leah yelps and speeds up. She's about two minutes away now, the rest three or four.

Embry fidgets, hating to let them just go. I feel exactly the same. Suddenly, the air's thick with the smell of vampires. _"How many are there?" _Jack's just changed. He's half-distracted. He and Brady sprint towards us.

_"A lot." _Someone answers. _"Two by Jake and Embry, tons surrounding us, and then--"_

_"Another behind us," _Brady says. I get tons of images from everyone. There's a little girl and a little boy, running together, hand in hand. They'd look like angels if they weren't bloodsuckers with blood-red eyes. Leah shudders.

_"Jake!" _Embry calls my attention just as everyone, the pack and the vampires, appear in the clearing Embry and I are in. The big man, who's wearing a dark cloak, like in old movies, steps closer. I'm about to spring. Jared's distracted by the female, who's wearing a mini skirt and high heels. He almost laughs, but he knows it doesn't matter what they're wearing. We all do.

_"Everybody, _shut up_!" _Sam commands us. It's instantly quiet. _"They're surrounding us. Don't move."_

Jack erupts with snarls at the nearest one.

"Well, well, well," the female says loudly. "There's more than we thought." She glances at the big male. He shakes his head minutely.

_"Damn right." _Paul.

Sam's thinking about how to get out of this. The hopelessness seems to weigh onto all of us. He thinks of Emily.

_"We need to know what they want."_

Seth snorts. _"They need an excuse to kill us?"_

Sam stiffens. _"No one's phasing to ask them, so we'll just have to wait." _He doesn't sound any more happy about it than anyone else.

"Aro said to get the females," the dark haired woman said. Jared's ears flatten on his head, his hackles rise. He crouches. _"Jared," _Sam reminds him, but he gets what he's thinking. Seth maneuvers himself in front of Leah. She snaps at him. _"I can take care of myself."_

_"Quiet,"_ Sam tells us. _"Listen."_

"Chelsea, calm down. The human females aren't here."

"So why are _we_ here, Demetri?" She hisses. "We're wasting our time." She spins around, the movement startling even us, who're used to the vampire speed.

"Aro specifically stated that we needed one of the human females. Now, until Marcus arrives we won't be able to tell which ones they are."

"Hah! And I'm useless? Plus, it's the ones that reek, if you won't listen to me!"

"Chelsea." It clicks and Quil freezes. His thoughts are blank from everything but Claire. Sam growls, low in his throat. I feel my own anger rise up and take over and I pounce on the closet leech, the little girl. But I don't feel what I was expecting, the collision of ice stone. I see a wide smile and I'm thrown up into the air and I feel like I'm being ripped apart, cell by cell. Like leeches are plucking each of my cells apart slowly, enjoying every minute of it. It lasts forever. I can't breath. I can't think. It's past agony. I hear some deafening howl and I realize it's us all. All of us are writhing on the ground and everything's multiplied by hundreds because it rebounds and comes back to us through our minds, like mirrors multiplying fire and ice.

"Jane." I don't know how I hear it through this swirling mess of pain. It's soft. And then I'm floating. Maybe in a cloud. Leah's whimpering on my right, sprawled across the ground.

Sam recovers first. I think I realize what happened. That little girl. Bella told me about her. The Italians. I remember about when she said about what she did to Edward. I never thought I'd feel a speck of sympathy for that bloodsucker, before now.

A delighted laugh floats through the clearing. The little boy is holding on the the girl's hand and he's smiling with her. Paul spits.

"Chain reaction," the big male says. "Amazing." Like we're a science experiment. The girl laughs louder. Paul leaps at them again but Sam stops him in his tracks with a word. "Don't be an idiot, Paul. Do you really want that again?" He grudgingly stops but growls loudly. Even he can't hide the shaking of his legs. I can't get up and Embry's eyes are shut tight. Quil's hardly breathing.

"How useful," the angry female says. She's happier now.

"Well, dogs, it was nice talking to you, but we really have to be going," the boy says, still grinning. His voice cuts through and slices me open again.

"We'll be back!" The laughing girl calls as the rest start walking away. "We'll be back for your--what do they call it? _Imprints."_

They disappear and Jared howls. Sam's frozen. Quil leaps up and starts running back and we all follow. I'm last, and I hate to admit it's hard to run fast now. My legs feel like they're about to give out. Leah lags back and runs with me.

_"I'm fine," _I tell her.

_"I know," _she says.

I hate this. I stumble and trip, more than once. I hate it. I never fall. I feel like I haven't eaten in weeks. Plus the fear starts growing and having Quil and Jared and Sam in my head doesn't help. But everything's strangely quiet, unlike it usually is after a fight. But this wasn't even a fight, I realize. It was like--the leeches psychically killing us.

Leah keeps pace with me but doesn't mention any of it. She's silent until we get back to Sam's. She goes a little away to phase and rejoins us when we're all dressed. Still modest, however impossible that is when you're part of a pack of werewolves.

Everybody hesitates before going into the house. They look at Sam. And at me. I glare at them. I don't need their sympathy. They felt everything like I did. So what if I was the target?

Quil groans loudly like he's about to be sick and covers his face with his hands, leaning on a tree and sliding down so he's sitting. Jared leaves with a quick explanation, "I'm going to see Kim."

Sam looks towards the house impatiently. I don't know what to feel. I know she's not in danger as much as Claire and Kim and Emily, but I hate myself for risking her. If I could to anything to change this, I would.

Paul mutters under his breath. I lean against a tree for support. I feel sick. Sam frowns at me. "You okay?"

"I'm fine," I mutter. I wonder how many more times I'll say that today.

"Well, sorry, Jake, but you look like crap."

"It's not any different from you guys."

"I think it was kind of..._dulled_, whatever _it_ was, by our...connection. We just felt it through you."

"Yeah, whatever."

"Okay." Sam leaps up the steps and we follow him. He hugs Emily tightly and I see Quil look around. He's on the verge of panicking, but the relief on his face is almost contagious as he rushes to Claire's side.

"Where's Jared?" She looks at us and she sounds scared.

"He's with Kim. Don't worry," Quil tells her, his voice muted. He glances at me. I ignore him. I feel my nails dig into my palms but more pain is all I need at the moment. Emily hands me something and I unclench one of my hands to take it. I swallow it in one gulp, and whatever it is it's cool and soothes me a bit. Even though she has no idea what happened she knows exactly what to do.

Why is everyone looking at me like I have some kind of deadly, contagious disease? I say I'm fine, _again._

We go into the kitchen and when I look at all the food on the table I feel like I'm going to throw up. Everyone else eats, so I just lean back in my chair, close my eyes, and try to forget the echoes of pain that are lingering.

"Did you not get it?" I hear Claire ask Quil. I feel a pang of, almost, jealousy. Even with all his hardships and with Sam being so stupid about their whole situation, he doesn't realize how good he actually has it. At least she speaks to him. More.

Quil answers no. She asks, "What happened?"

He winces and I try to block out their conversation so I don't get reminded of it. I've never felt so weak in my life, not even after that leech had broken half my bones.

The atmosphere changes and Sam and Emily disappear into the kitchen. Muffled conversation comes from it and I block it out. But I can't block out Paul's annoying tapping on the table--after a minute I stand up and vaguely notice my chair falling over.

"Will you _stop_ it!" I hiss at him. My patience is almost nonexistent. He stops immediately and I yank my chair up and sit back down.

Claire's asking what happened. I see Jack glance at her and I _know_ that look, I know it so well because it's how _I _looked at Bella for so long. I feel a pang for him, even though, with all of Quil's hate, I had never really felt the whole pack-brother-bonding thing going on with him. Until now.

I answer Claire because no one else is saying anything. "I never thought Bella was right about these Italian monsters." I trust my voice to be normal for her. "They didn't seem real. Before. _Now..." _Now they're more real than this table sitting right in front of me.

"How did they _know_? About us?" Embry all but snarls.

"The Cullens," I say. I don't know it for a fact but it's as good as. Who else could have told them about us? About imprinting? Who else even knows about that? And so exactly how to make us react the way they wanted to. Who better than someone who's seen all our thoughts?

"They told them? How do you know?"

"They told them _everything_, those filthy bloodsuckers told them everything." And for once Bella is one of them.

"Damn traitors," Collin mutters.

"What do you expect from _them_? You expect them to keep our secret? To help _us_?" Quil can't believe it.

"Yeah, well, maybe I did," Collin replies. "Or maybe, at least for Jake. Maybe we all expected something from _her_. She _claimed_ to still care about him." Claimed. Past tense.

"Like it made a difference," I answer him. "Leeches aren't exactly they same as the humans...they were. Like she'd care about a stinking werewolf." I almost laugh at what had hurt so much that night; her wrinkling her nose when she got close enough to smell me. She used to think we all smelled nice, I remember her saying that.

Embry groans at Collin. I was too tired to do anything about it, or defend myself.

"Anyway, Claire, the filthy Italian leeches were scary. Seriously. They knew where we were all the time...and the little one..." My shudder is picked up around the whole table. "How old could she be? She looked twelve." I remember Leah's shudder when she saw the children leeches and grin to myself when I realize those certain..._maternal _instincts towards the little monsters. "But they were always surrounding us." I try to tell Claire as much as I can without scaring her too much. "I can't believe we got out--but they just--disappeared..." I leave out the bit about why. About how we weren't what they were looking for. About how they're coming back.

Claire asks what she did and I answer, "Nothing. You don't want to know. But it doesn't matter anyways. I mean, she's gone."

"For how long? What about what she sa--" Embry's cut off by Quil's angry "Shut up!" And he looks slightly guilty. "Sorry."

"What?" Claire looks at Quil but he avoids the question. "Whatever. I'm going to help Emily."

"Knock before you go in!" Seth tells her and Collin snickers.

After Claire and Quil leave Sam comes back in, without Emily. I hear her going up the stairs, probably to check on the kids.

We discuss what we're going to do, and decide not to tell anyone, especially Kim or Emily or Claire, about what happened. Since Quil's already got that covered, we don't need to tell him. I don't really listen to the rest of the conversation. Something about more patrols.

But that's good. The reason isn't. But I need something to take my mind off the fact that I actually did something good in not going back to her like everyone told me to do. Only I don't know why it hurts so much. It's contradictory and it stings.

* * *

_I hope you liked it, even though some of it's a bit repetitive if you're reading "Imprint." But it won't be, really, really soon, because I just needed to catch this story up. But soon it will be it's own. Sorry about that, though._

_Please review?_


	4. Chapter 4

_So I'm skipping a bunch, partly because it would be boring, and partly because, well, I would be bored writing it. But if you REALLY want me to write the whole thing with the Volturi (the search, the fight) then tell me, and I will. But I doubt you do. But can you review anyways, lol? Thanks!_

_Heaven sent the promised land   
Looks alright from where I stand   
Cause I'm the man on the outside looking in..._

_...To let me in from the cold   
Turn my lead into gold   
Cause there's a chill wind blowing in my soul   
And I think I'm growing old...   
--Wot's...Uh The Deal by Pink Floyd_

* * *

"Leah, get Sam and Quil and the rest. Jack, take her to Sam and Emily's. I'll get Carlisle." I tell them. This isn't a time for them to hesitate or fight with me about this, so I order them. Leah runs off like lightning.

"_Carlisle! Are you insane?_" My anger flares up at him. Why couldn't this have been Embry or someone who actually knows how to hold their shape together? At least I know he won't really phase and hurt her, and I have more trust in him than most, knowing what it feels like, but I tell him to calm down anyways.

I don't want to get the vampire doctor any more than Jack does. But I know what happened and I remember that day in my garage when Bella told me about her being bitten. It's slightly blurred, but I know what she said and I remember that cold crescent scar, and that boiling anger the nauseating picture of her bloodsucker sucking the life out of her caused.

"Oh, shit," he mutters, then runs off. I yank off my pants and phase, flying in the opposite direction from him.

The calm control that had overtaken me when Jack lost it and attacked the girl bloodsucker dissolves away and I run faster, fueled on by Quil's frantic thoughts that disappear almost immediately. The disbelief that Jack had actually killed the leech is minor, the branches and thorns slashing at me are nonexistent. All that matters is that I get there and that they be there and that the peaceful leech still be a peaceful leech.

I'm panting hard when I emerge in the clearing, and I hardly open my mouth to howl at them when Edward comes running out of the house, Bella close behind. "Jacob! What--" Carlisle comes out too, with some of the others.

"Whoa. Slow down." Edward holds up his hands as he tries to make sense of the mess in my head. I inhale quickly. _Claire. Bitten. By a vampire._

I look at the blonde doctor vampire. _You. _Please_ help us._

I think he catches on quickly enough._ Hurry up! _I scream in my mind.

I see him mutter something to the rest of them and Carlisle steps forward. "Can someone get my bag?" He says over his shoulder, then turns to me. "I need to know what happened; maybe while we run there?"

_I can't run as fast when I'm human. _Edward translates.

"Ah. Well--thanks, Alice--" he takes the bag from her--

"I can come and translate," Edward says. Bella steps forward. "And I will."

_I don't think that would be a very good idea...oh, whatever, just hurry up! And don't worry about the treaty or anything, _I think desperately. Edward listens and we run. I go ahead of them and throw my explanations back at Edward and he murmurs to Carlisle and within seconds we're at Sam and Emily's. I phase and trip over my shorts as I pull them on and they follow me into the house.

I hear Quil arguing with Sam but Carlisle rushes in and Edward and Bella stay at the doorway. I see Embry flicker a glance towards her and step in front of Claire protectively. I remember that day when Bella came to the bonfire, and she laughed and joked with Quil and Embry. And I think how different it it now. It's a depressing thought, enough to weigh down my shoulders heavily.

"Is this her?" Carlisle asks. No, it's the other girl in Quil's arms screaming in agony as venom eats her away...

Quil snarls. "Get the hell away from her, you filthy leech--" Luckily Edward puts a hand on Carlisle's shoulder and, I think, tells him with his eyes that Quil's practically out of his mind here and he doesn't really mean what he says. But I don't think he would have been offended anyways.

"Don't you _dare_--"

"Jacob," Sam tells me. "Get--"

"NO! Get away from her!" Carlisle's hopelessly trying to get to Claire, and all of us are just hopelessly standing here. You don't mess with a wolf and his imprint.

But I can try to talk to him. "You saw my thoughts," I tell Quil. "Bella was fine, but we have to act _now_ of Claire won't be." I can't spare his feelings right now--he just needs to let Carlisle get near her and _then_ we can deal with that.

"Quil?" Carlisle's trying too. "I promise you, if she can't be saved, I will stop and let her be changed. If Edward could do it I can, and I've done this before. Now, can someone please hold her down, and mind her arm, it's broken." He's turning into the doctor now, trying to take control. The time's slipping away and he knows it. I can see Edward tense slightly.

Quil hisses and Carlisle says, "I'm sorry."

"You're not changing her." His voice is low and hoarse.

"Would you rather she be dead?"

"I--" Quil's broken.

Now Sam takes control. "She's my niece as much as she is your imprint and I don't want her dying. This isn't only your decision." He's right, but it's not like it doesn't matter. Why doesn't he just order him to get away from her? Because you don't mess with a wolf and his imprint.

But that wouldn't turn out good anyways. I take that back. And how would I like that? I shudder, and Edward's eyes snap to mine for a split second. _Yes, I did, you worthless pile of stone. And go ahead, pass it on to Bella. I'm sure she'd be happy. _His mouth turns up in a tiny smile. Sam's order probably wouldn't work anyways on Quil. It would probably dissolve like it was burning in acid. It would be.

"Sam--"

"Quil."

He gazes at Claire with burning eyes and whispers, "Okay. Okay." He presses gently on her arms and Sam holds her legs. Quil hates this. _I_ hate it. Sam hates it. Everyone hates it. Jack's holding on to the back of a chair and it's shredding under his fists. Hate is an understatement. I would be like calling what we feel towards vampires a mild annoyance.

Carlisle glances once more at Quil and crouches down and takes Claire's arm in his hand. He brings his mouth down and her arm up and bites down.

Sam tenses and Jack's now shredding his own fists because the chair turned into sawdust. Leah's eyes are shadowed and everyone's staring at him, ready to leap.

She thrashes and screams and I see Quil bite his lip until it bleeds. The blood mingles with more of Claire's on her shirt.

His expression when Carlisle is sucking out Claire's blood is enough to make even the strongest of us sick, if the actual sucking of her blood doesn't do it. Bella's gazing at them with terrified eyes. I can't help but wonder how she's feeling, with all this blood around. Her eyes are dark, not quite black, but dark, and she's only been controlling herself for ten something years. Edward's head snaps towards me and I see fury in his eyes, but there's something else. Is he wary?

But at least he's holding her. Jack, in the corner, stares at Claire with almost the same agony in his eyes as Quil. I think the pack gained a whole lot more respect for him after he saved Claire and destroyed the terrifying girl leech. Even Leah's warmed up to him, and she was the one who hated him most, other than Quil, of course.

But everything just gets worse when Claire's mother bursts into the room, Emily at her heels, trying to stop her, and...my heart stops. Annie, trailing in after her, looking like she'd rather be anywhere but here, but her hand flies to her mouth when she sees Claire.

I don't know what to do when Megan starts yelling at Quil, and he ignores her. Her eyes take in Carlisle kneeling at Claire's side, his mouth on her wrist...he's too concentrated to worry about anything going on out here, so he doesn't look up. Annie backs away to where Jack is, looking at him with wide, imploring eyes. But he doesn't even glance at her. I stride over to her and wrap my arm around her waist, pulling her against the wall with me, further away from Claire. I hear her heart speed up. I want to take her away from here but I know I can't. I have to stay, and where could I take her, anyways?

I hardly even see Bella when I look at her and she's gazing at me questioningly. She sees the beautiful girl at my side, and she's dying to ask, but Edward puts a hand on her shoulder and nods. I swear at him in my head, and he just smiles grimly and turns his attention back to Carlisle. Just because I'm not in love with the girl he's planning on killing doesn't mean I like him any less.

I pull Annie as far as I can from the vampires and she shrinks against me.

She's listening to every word Megan's saying, but she's staring at Carlisle.

"What are you doing to her? Who are you? What are you?" She knows, but she doesn't want to believe it. "Get away from my daughter...Quil! I thought you were supposed to be her--"

"Megan!" Emily's trying to get her older sister to leave but she's not having any of it. It's a complete disaster. "Megan, come on. She's fine, Quil's there, Sam's there, and the--the man's a doctor, she's going to be fine. Let's just go and--"

"_You _of all people should not be so calm about this, Emily!" Megan hisses. Emily frowns, and Seth and Leah go and all but push Megan out of the room. But once she's a bit away the fight seems to go out of her and she sags frighteningly, but Emily holds her up and walks her out.

Annie's mouth opens a bit and she glances at me, then pulls away slightly, looking at me with a similar expression she was looking at Carlisle with, and I drop my arm. She's backing away slowly and pressing herself against the wall and I don't try to follow her, just bite my lip and hide the pain. But she doesn't know she's causing me that pain. She has no idea. I feel a sharp pang. She could know, I think. She could know me, but I was being stupid.

That seems to be the story of my life.

I turn towards Claire but that hurts too, seeing her like that and Quil looking like that. I don't have to be in his head to feel what he's feeling.

Annie's gaze keeps flickering to Jack, and I try not to think, what if she..._likes_ him? Do I remember something, from Quil's mind, some conversation with Claire, something she told him? Something with her and Jack and her friend..._this_ friend? That would be someone's idea of a joke, wouldn't it? Have someone love someone someone else has imprinted on, then have someone else's imprint love him. If that made any sense.

After what seems like forever, Carlisle pulls away. Claire's ashy white, almost gray. It makes the cuts and scratches on her face and arms stand out even more. There's a gash on her cheek, and I see Carlisle put something on it, then there's her arm, and endless more. What did these vampires _do_ to her? Did they not realize that she's just _human_?

But that's the whole point, I think, feeling slightly sick. If she wasn't human there wouldn't be a point to all of this.

"She needs to stay awake," the doctor tells Quil. "Don't let her fall asleep." His hands are moving like blurs, trying to fix everything, and he's keeping his eyes downcast, because the blood-red color it most likely is wouldn't do anything to the environment in the room. I'm suddenly thankful he's a vampire, because, except for the bit where he had to suck venom out of her, he really is a better doctor than, well, humans. He does something to her arm and she shouts and the whole room tenses. But then Quil holds her tighter and it looks like she's asleep.

"Claire! Are you awake? Talk to me, say something." Quil's frantic. "Claire, answer me, are you okay? Are you awake?"

"Yeah," she rasps. I wince.

"Someone get her some water," Leah snaps, but rushes out herself to do it. She's back in two seconds and hands it to Quil who puts it to her mouth. As she swallows she coughs, and as she coughs even more blood comes out of her mouth.

"Oh, shit," Someone mutters. We might not be doctors, but we know that's bad.

Claire reaches up to her face and Quil pulls her arm back with a shaky hand, still not quite in control of himself yet. I don't think the relief's quite set in yet, that she's here and alive, if not exactly _well_.

I think that we should get out of here. At least everyone but Quil and maybe Sam, just because there are three vampires in the room. We know they wouldn't do anything, and it seems too private somehow, and I know I feel like I'm invading.

Annie's head is buried in her arms on her knees, but not in a sad way, just...it looks like she's feeling exactly how I am. Her eyes rise to mine but she looks quickly away.

I make a split second decision and grab her hand and tow her outside, hoping the rest will follow my lead. I don't know if they do or not; I'm all of the sudden very much aware of her hand burning in mine. I drop it, and she twirls her hair nervously. Just like Bella used to do. But I'm not thinking about her. And I'm really not. Just...not. Something I'd tried so hard to do and here it was, as easy as phasing. Just the slightest reminders...

I don't want the leech listening in on this particular conversation. I want one thing in my life to be private, from as many people as it can be. The pack's one thing, and I can't help that. But _them_?

How far's his range? A few miles. And no way I'm taking her a few miles away. After what just happened, I don't need even more things to make her hate me. Or think I'm weird. Or scary. Or creepy. Or a freak.

I try to build up my walls in my head, but somehow it's easier in wolf form, and it's easier when I'm just thinking within the walls, and not trying to speak out of them and think in them and hide everything. But she also has a mind he can read, unless she's special like Bella and Jack, which isn't very likely.

He's probably paying attention to what's going on in there, but maybe for Bella...

I send him a nice _Keep the hell out of my head _and hope he hears it, or hope he doesn't.

During all this time she's looking at me, not staring, not gazing, just...looking. It feels like she's looking right through me, and she lowers her eyes when I look back at her. Again I'm struck by her beauty, again just the same. And I hate knowing there's vampires in the other room, and even werewolves, like myself, who can hurt her. Why can't I just be normal? Why does this have to be such a cruel oxymoron, that I'm supposed to keep her safe while I'm the most dangerous to her?

I can see she wants to ask but doesn't know how, so I save her. Sort of.

"I'm really sorry about that," I say. How brilliant. How detailed. How explanatory.

"Uh...it's okay. Not your fault." She stutters slightly and I hate myself for making her nervous. If it is me. Probably isn't, it's probably just what happened back there. Of course it's what happened back there. She saw some random guy sucking her friend's blood. I think I'd be scared and nervous too.

But I don't know what to say. What can I? Yeah, he was a vampire, I'm a werewolf, and you're my soul mate. And...I'll see you tomorrow. Hopefully.

I would commit _myself_.

"Um." That's even better than before. She's really going to understand now. But I'm completely tongue-tied. "I--" I'm a werewolf.

"You know, it's okay."

"What's okay?"

She blushes. I swear at myself under my breath.

"Um...just...everything."

"I really should be saying that to you."

"I meant you didn't have to and I think I'll go back and--"

"No!" She looks at me, shocked, and I try to fix it. "I mean, you can't go back there, because--" because they're probably talking about sadistic vampires and there's so much blood in that room that the vampires are probably going crazy, especially the one who has only controlled herself for ten-and-something years. And then I know that I'll kill Bella in a second if she's a threat to this girl standing in front of me.

And hopefully Edward will just go for straight-out revenge rather than learn something from the twisted redhead Victoria about the whole a mate for a mate deal. I wouldn't let him kill her, of course, but still...

I wonder if he would have any qualms about killing her, or at least trying, being able to read my mind and all. If he saw my agony...would he kill me instead, if not for me than for his em-path brother? Oh, no, of course not--a suicidal werewolf is nothing that moving across the country can't fix.

But I wouldn't let her get hurt, or die. For all my doubts, that's one thing I know I can do. Keep her safe.

Which meant removing my violently unstable self from her presence. Something I don't want to do in a million years, but that I know I have to. After everything that's happened and all the pack's feelings to deal with on top of my own, mostly Quil's and Jack's, not to mention the highly unnerving experience of not feeling anything one bit when I look at Bella...well, I'm not safe. Especially out here, far away from the house, alone with her.

I make my feet move backwards and she follows me slowly, hesitantly, at a distance.

"Okay, I won't go back," she says. That's not the point anymore. I hear her silent, _But you are._

What's safer, me or that house?

I'm happy to realize it's the former, at least for the moment, so I stop.

"Okay." I take a deep breath. "I'm sorry," I say again.

"It's really okay, Jacob." I feel an absurd thrill when she says my name.

"Jake."

"What?"

"Um...you can call me Jake. Or Jacob. It doesn't matter." I sound like an idiot.

"Okay." She looks like she's getting more and more embarrassed by the second. Why is this not working, and not working so badly?

It wasn't this awkward for Jared, was it? I panic slightly. No, of course not, Jared was an arrogant junior at the time, and Kim had a killer crush on him. Dammit. Neither of those things really help me that much. I wish I was arrogant, instead of rotting in insecurities. Then at least I would be able to carry on a decent conversation without getting stuck at the dead-end of "okay"s and "yeah"s.

I decide that I'm going to use all my efforts to try to talk to her. That's all, I tell myself. Just open your mouth and say something. "I'm--" That's not "I'm sorry"!

"Okay, I know you saw that something really weird was going on, but I promise you that Claire will be fine, and you're safe."

I was aiming to reassure her. I have no idea if it worked. Her emotions are not written out on her face for the world to see. I like that. I wish it could be that easy for me.

"That's good to know."

"Yeah." Crap. Okay. "I know what you're thinking, and I really--I mean, okay. You're right."

"What was I thinking?" She cocks her head slightly to one side.

"Uh. Well..." I trail off, trying to calm my frantically beating heart. If she isn't thinking that, it would be a disaster. I don't want to be the one to introduce the word "vampire" into this conversation.

"That man...?" Her question trails off like my words before.

"Yeah."

"What about him?"

"What do you think?"

"It'll sound stupid."

"I promise it won't."

"Okay." She takes deep breath and mutters "vampire" so softly and quickly that I wouldn't have been able to catch it if it wasn't for my super-human _werewolf_ hearing.

"Yeah."

"That's right?" She's shocked, that much is clear.

"Uh...yeah."

"And you were letting him suck Claire's blood _because_..."

"It was for her own good."

I realize how bad that sounds when the shock on her face is replaced by disgust. I can see it in her eyes, and the furrowed eyebrows. "You...you're one too. She's like your..." There's something else in her eyes. Something close to...betrayal, or...hurt.

"No! No, I'm not a vampire." She probably hears the disgust in my voice at that thought.

"But he was." She seems to believe me, and I relax when I know she trusts me. At least with that. I nod.

Well, I guess anyone can see how different we are. She could feel how hot my skin was.

She didn't feel how cold the vampires are, though.

She stares at me for a minute, a very long minute. I'm sure it's longer than just sixty seconds. I'm perfectly still.

She finally meets my eyes and I freeze. I notice how close I am to her, and I try to keep my distance, so as not to scare her. When she finds out what I am, I don't think she'll want to be that close. At all close.

And why can't she just accept it, like it, like Emily and Claire and Kim? Of course, it can't be that simple for me, nothing can, but other than that...everyone else had time, before actually seeing the affects of this, this whole werewolf thing, to get used to the idea. But Annie...she just walks in to see a vampire sucking her best friend's blood, and here I am, probably just as or more terrifying, just some random stranger, then she learns I'm a werewolf. I back away, but so slowly I don't think it makes a difference. It's just so hard, once I'm this close. I can hear her heart beat.

"I don't know," she whispers.

"What?" I say, just as quietly.

"Nothing." She shakes her head. "Just trying to find out where you fit in here, if you're not a vampire too."

I'm a werewolf.

"Ah." She seems to be waiting for something more and I know she is and she should be and I should give it to her. But I don't. I can't. I chicken out, just like Quil. _Why _can't I be more like Jared? In that way at least. He just came right out and told her. No delays, no endless waiting.

"Is Claire going to be okay?" She asks hesitantly.

I nod. "Yeah. Quil'll take care of her. She'll be fine."

"I guess." She looks like she wants to ask something else but she doesn't say anything.

I look behind me, but don't see anything. It's surprisingly quiet. "Do you want to go back in?" I say.

"Um...sure." I lead her around the front, so we don't go back in the living room where Claire and Quil are. I see Emily in the kitchen, with Sam and Embry and Leah. Leah's head snaps up when we come in and she gives me a small smile. I try to smile back, but it doesn't really work.

Annie's heartbeat goes up a notch. Mine would too, if I found myself in a room full of people who are most likely not entirely human. Emily looks at me curiously. I shake my head. She sighs, and I feel horrible. I had a perfect chance--but after what she just saw? She'd probably run away screaming...or worse. The possibilities echo in my mind horribly.

"I--I think I should go," she says softly, and starts walking out the door. "Maybe I'll come see Claire later--if that's okay...when she's not sleeping or something--I mean, only if it's not--" She breaks off and bites her lip, looking embarrassed. "Well, thanks for..." What is there to thank us for?

"I'll walk you home," I tell her, and pull her away from the pack's curious stares.

"Okay. You really don't have to, you know..."

"It's okay. I don't mind." I want to. But I can't say that.

It doesn't seem like she's mad at me about not telling her, but I can't tell what's going on. We walk in silence, until it becomes unbearable and I say, "So, how did you find--us? Claire?"

"Well..." She hesitates, and I wonder if it's because she doesn't want to tell me or some other reason. "I was looking for Claire, you know? And so I went to her house, and her mom was...panicking, she thought she was with me or something, for a week, and not telling her...it's crazy, anyways, and she said something about not being able to get in touch with Quil or Sam or something...so when I went there she all but dragged me along when she got a phone call..." She shrugged. "What happened to her?"

"She..." She already knows they're vampires. What harm can it do? "She was...kidnapped by vampires."

She stops. "What?"

"They took her. And..."

"Kidnapped by vampires." This is awful, to hear those words repeated in her voice and to not have her know that she's not in danger from them, that there are other mythical creatures that are actually _good_.

"Uh...yeah." She doesn't need details.

"Are these...vampires...still...you know. Kidnapping?"

"Nah. They can't anymore and if they try..." We'll kill them. "They're kinda...useless without their...one of them, and Jack killed her so it's okay."

Now she stops and faces me. "What?"

Dammit.

"Uh...I mean...he..." I can't lie to her anymore. "Yeah."

"Jack killed someone?"

"They're not really someone, because they're like...evil and already dead and all that. Vampires, remember?"

"Since when did Jack go around killing vampires?"

Since a few months ago when he turned into a werewolf. "Uh...a while."

She's silent for a minute, and we keep walking. "Do you kill vampires?" She asked.

Hell yes. "Um..."

"This's my house. Thanks for walking me..." It's like she doesn't want me to answer, but...her words have a strange quality to them.

"No problem..." It sounds wrong, all awkward and formal. "Have a nice...week? End?"

"You too." Then she smiles at me and I feel a bit dazed. How can one person be so beautiful?

She turns and opens the door and, waving at me, shuts it, her long dark hair blowing slightly in the wind.

I want to kill myself and celebrate at the same time, and I want to go back to her and apologize.

But I don't do any of those things. I walk back towards Sam and Emily's.

* * *

_Hope you liked it. I hope I'm not messing this up too bad? Please review!! It's so easy for you, but really makes my day and makes my writing better...and updates faster..._


	5. Chapter 5

__

_It leaves me so much to explain  
That's the start of our guessing game_

_There are times when I think I've found the truth  
There are times when I know that I'm wrong  
But there are days when I try to hide my fear  
Bless the days when I'm feeling strong  
Bless the days when I'm feeling strong_

_--Our Guessing Game by The Moody Blues_

* * *

"Jacob?" My hand drops from the door as it swings open, and I look straight into Annie's sleepy brown-golden eyes, only not in a bloodsucker way. It almost knocks the breath out of me, how beautiful she is, in rumpled pajama pants and black sweatshirt. The relief that I feel when I see her, when I'm near her, even like this, is surprising. I had always just dismissed it when I heard it in Quil or Sam or Jared's thoughts, thinking it was just their gooey lovey-dovey nonsense, but now...I don't care if I'm like that. Not as much as I had thought I would be. Or dreaded to be.

"Did I wake you up? I'm sorry--"

"No, you didn't. It's fine. I was already awake. Do you want to..." She hesitates and glances back inside.

"Is this a bad time?"

"No, it's just...if I invite some random guy in...my sisters, and my mom...well..." She blushes slightly, beautifully, and gives up stuttering, looking more and more embarrassed by the second. "I'm really sorry, I just--okay, you know what, why don't you come in, forget I said--"

"Annie. It's fine." I feel an absurd thrill when I say her name. "I just wanted to ask you...something. I'll leave, once I do that."

"Oh. Wha--"

"Annie! Where are you? What are you doing outside? Annie?" She runs her fingers through her hair impatiently.

"Sorry," she mutters to me, and hisses back through the door softly, "Go away. I'll be right in."

"What are you doing?"

"None of your business."

"Who are you talking to?"

She ducks back out and shuts the door quickly, grabbing my hand and pulling me away from the door. I swear I feel a spark when our skin touches.

"Sorry," she mumbles. "My sister..."

"Yeah, I know." I smile slightly. Rachel never hesitated to make fun of me, no matter what it was...though when she was around, girls weren't exactly knocking at my door.

"You have sisters?"

"Yeah." I leave it at that. Why would she want to hear the boring details of my sisters' lives? She wouldn't.

"Oh." It's silent for a minute. "You wanted to ask me something?"

"Oh, um...yeah. I..." Crap. It's harder than I had thought it would be, to get the words out. They're so simple, just a few words..."I was wondering if..you wanted to do something--oh, shit." I cover my face with my hands. "Okay, that didn't come out right. I meant...oh, you know what I meant!"

She laughs, and it's the best sound in the world. "Yeah, I know what you mean. And...you seriously--never mind. Yeah."

"What?"

She looks confused. "Yeah? I...yes?"

"Oh! Oh." I'm sure my happiness emanates from my smile. "Great. Good."

She nods, and turns back to go inside.

"Wait!" She turns. "Uh..." I close my eyes so I can focus, but sight isn't the only sense I need to shut off. Her scent is just a _bit_ overwhelming. "When? What do you like to do? What do you--" I sound like an idiot, but I realize I don't care. She's just smiling, in a good way, not in a you're-stupid way.

"I don't know..." She looks embarrassed and slightly apologetic.

"You free today?"

"Yeah, after...in a bit."

"Do you want to meet...somewhere? The beach?" That's close enough.

"Yeah. That's good."

"An hour?"

"Sure."

"Okay...well, see you then. I guess." I wince internally.

"See you," she says softly, and smiles at me as she goes back into the house.

--

An hour is a long time, sometimes. Especially when you're waiting until you can see the one person who really matters to you...well, you can see why it feels like centuries.

Okay, well, maybe not centuries. But definitely years.

I drive to the beach, because it's hard to carry around more than just a pair of shorts when I'm running and I didn't really want to show up half-naked. Plus, I couldn't exactly drive us somewhere without a car, if we were going somewhere else.

I park and get out of the car, glancing along the beach, but there's no one there, so I lean against the Rabbit to wait. The stray thought crosses my mind, but I know she won't not show up. It's a strange feeling, but I just _know_.

"Hey." I jump slightly and when I see her I can't help but smile. A weight I'd never realized I'd been carrying lifts off my shoulders.

"Hey." I push myself off the car. She glances at me nervously as the conversation sort of dies there.

"Do you want to walk?" I motion towards the beach. She nods.

She kicks the rocks as we walk down the beach. Of course, I'm reminded of all the times I walked here with Bella, but this time the memories aren't tinged with pain or anger or regret. It's just different, but there's so much possibility, whereas when you fall in love with someone who's heart already belonged to someone else long before you came along, you know it's hopeless, but you still try, and that's just...depressing.

And how do I know she's not in love with someone else? Well, for one, why would she be here at all if she was? I'm not sure, and that's enough, until I find out, and either way, I'm not stupid enough not to enjoy the moments I have.

"How old are you?" She asks suddenly, but it's not weird at all, like you'd expect it to be.

For her. For me, it's more of a cause to panic.

"I'm..." Dammit. What do I say? "I'm..." I don't finish the sentence, hope she drops it. Which is _so_ likely.

"Is it that hard to answer?" She asks.

I sigh. "Yeah, it kind of is."

"Oh."

"I'm sorry."

She shrugs. "No, it's okay. But...it's like the other thing, right? The vampire thing? And the killing the vampires thing?"

"Yeah." Tell her. Just tell her.

Just let me have this one day. Just one day and then I will. I swear I will.

Not only am I a werewolf, but I'm also certifiably insane.

"What about you?"

She laughs. "That's easy enough. Sixteen."

"Sixteen?" I don't know why I'm surprised.

"Yeah...is that...wrong?"

"Wrong?" I laugh too. Nothing about her is wrong. "Of course it's not _wrong_. I was just surprised, is all."

"Oh."

Sixteen. I don't know why I'd thought she was fifteen or something, since I knew Claire was almost sixteen, and of course it's perfectly possible for her to be a few months older.

"So you don't want to tell me, huh?" She's looking down at her feet, scuffling the ground with beat-up black converse.

"I want very much to tell you," I reply softly.

She glances shyly at me. "So why don't you?"

I sigh, run my fingers through my hair. "I will. Later."

"Okay..." She shrugs. "You don't need to."

"I know."

"Only if you want."

"I know. I do. Trust me."

"Oh. Okay."

I lean down and grab a handful of colorful stones from the ground and toss them into the ocean one by one, not really paying attention to how far or strong I throw them, then cursing myself for my stupidity, then deciding it was useless, she already knew something was wrong with me. Why not throw in some super strength along the way?

_"We can't all be freakishly strong."_

"What's your favorite color?" I ask her. It's not just to fill up the empty silence, it's because I want to know about her, who she is...I have to admit, it's not a very good start, but at least it's one at all.

"I don't know. Don't really have one."

"You sure?"

"I like blue, I guess."

I try not to think of who else liked blue.

"You?"

"Yeah, same. Not really..." I shrug. "What's your favorite band?"

"I like Led Zeppelin, and the Who."

"Really? I hadn't really figured you as a Led Zeppelin sort of person."

She grins. "What, too hardcore for you?"

I snort. "Oh yes. They scare me a bit." I shudder theatrically. She laughs, shakes her head, her dark hair billowing in the wind and blowing her scent towards me.

When I don't try, it's almost too easy. Maybe that's why it's so easy for Quil, to be around Claire, because he started off when it was impossible for it to be awkward between them.

For all the times the pack's teased him, and all the hard times he's had about it, I don't think we ever realized that it was really a good thing, what happened to him. In some ways it really was better.

"You have any pets?" I'm just waiting for her to say cat...

"Dog."

Oh. Well. I try not to laugh.

"My cat died."

"I'm sorry."

"It was a long time ago."

I nod heavily. "Still."

"Yeah, thanks."

There's silence after that, but it's a nice, companionable silence, a full silence, not an empty awkward one, and I'm glad we don't need to fill it.

Somehow we stop walking, and I walk to a driftwood log and sit against it, pulling her with my by the hand. When she sits neither of us let go, and just this little contact is enough to calm me and make my heart beat wildly. My eyes wander to her face as she stares out at the ocean, and I wonder at her perfection.

It's not perfect perfection, because obviously no one's perfect, but she's perfect to me, and I'm really getting tired of thinking the word perfect.

The moment seems to freeze then her eyes flicker over to me and I avert mine but she blushes and twirls her hair around her fingers self-consciously.

"What do you like?" I ask her suddenly.

"What?"

"Just...what do you like?"

"That's kind of a weird question."

"Well, I'm a weird person." She laughs. She has no idea how weird.

"Um...chocolate chip cookies?"

"Anything else?"

"Led Zeppelin. Guitars. Nutella and corn chips. The ocean. The beach. Shade. Rain. The cold. Weather," she adds.

"Nutella and corn chips?"

"Yep. Do you want me to keep going?" She looks sort of embarrassed.

"Sure."

"Okay...I hate hypocrites. And school, and talking about myself. But I like...my dog. Walking. Drawing. Washington. La Push. J--people who tell the truth, no matter what it is. You." She closes her mouth quickly and flushes red.

My hear thumps. "Me?"

"No, the person I'm talking to who's sitting on your shoulder." She rolls her eyes. "Yes, you."

"Why?" I am such an idiot. She tells me she likes me and I ask _why_!

"You're...nice. And funny. And I just do."

"Oh. Well, I like you too." I smile hesitantly at her, and she smiles back. "Please don't ask why."

"Why...not?"

I think for a second. "I would hate to have to list all the reasons," I say dramatically. She grins slightly. "It would waste the beautiful day," I add, as it starts to drizzle.

"You forget, the rain is amazing."

"I didn't forget. That's why I said it was a beautiful day."

"You are--" She shakes her head.

"So ridiculous?"

"How'd you guess?"

"I've been told." After a few seconds, I add, "Sorry."

"What are you sorry for?" She looks at me, confused.

"I asked you to talk about yourself and you hate it. I'm sorry."

"It's okay. Maybe I'll pay you back someday..." Someday. The unintentional promise that we'll be in each other's presence, _at least,_ someday...I like it more than I should.

I hold my arms open. "Go ahead. Fire away."

She deliberates for a second. "Maybe another day. I'm sort of still...absorbing."

"Another day? So you want to see me again?"

She smiles shyly. "Yeah, sure I want to see you again."

"That's good, 'cause I want to see you again too."

"It is good," she agrees. "These things are bad one-sided."

How did she know? Her eyes met mine in my one moment of vulnerability and I'm sure she saw the shadows and reminders of hurt in my eyes. Her clear brown-gold eyes were clouded. I don't know how long we sat there, but suddenly her eyes were closer than they were, and her lips...they were so close to mine, so full and _close_...

I snapped my head away from her at the same second she pulled away from me.

The awkwardness sets in again as she flattens her long bangs nervously and I make patterns in the sand.

"You know if you write something with your right hand in the sand the left will turn out the same."

"What?"

"You're right handed?"

"Yeah..."

She moves closer to me and guides my hands on either side of my body. "Write something with your right hand. Don't look at your left, and just keep them both in the sand."

I move my right hand so my finger makes a D, then an O, then a G. She's looking at my left hand and I follow her gaze. It's written perfectly, both sides mirroring each other.

"Wow."

"I thought everyone knew that..."

"Guess I didn't. I don't really spend much time writing around in the sand."

"I guess," she allows. "Neither do I. Someone told me."

"Oh." I have to laugh at her expression, and when she joins in it's like pure happiness floating around in the air.

Her hands still cover mine and she hurriedly draws them away. I flip my hand over and catch one of them, almost like it's instinct.

"I should go," she murmurs.

I glance up at the sky, and it's getting darker quickly. How could time have passed so quickly? I guess it _was_ late when I went to her house, but still...

"What time is it?" I ask her.

She shrugs. "I dunno. But I have to be home by...soon."

"Okay." We stand up and start walking back. We're closer to the car than I had expected--everything seems so much longer and shorter and mixed-up with her here--and we both slow down subconsciously. Or it is at least for me, until I notice.

"I'll give you a ride." I didn't want to leave, her to leave, but she had to, so I would take whatever time I had left.

"Thanks." We stop a few feet away from the car, still on the rocky beach. "Thanks. It was...it was really..." She trails off.

"Yeah, I know. Sorry we didn't do something...you know...it was kind of lame."

"No, it wasn't, I meant to say it was really...fun, and nice, and...all of that. Wonderful. I loved it. But..._I'm_ sorry, for...saying that, before..."

"What?"

"Just..." She blushes and it's clear.

"Oh. That you liked me? No problem, really. It's nice to hear. You know."

"It's just...I..."

"Yeah?"

"I just...it was..." She blinks and looks down. "I dunno," she mumbles. "Never mind."

"What? You can...you can tell me, you know."

"I...it's just nice when those things are mutual. Like I said." Her hair falls in front of her face in a curtain and I feel a rush of affection for her, I can feel my heart throb slightly. I still don't understand her, how she seems to know exactly what to say, but if anyone else had said it it would have been horrible, but her...I can't explain it.

I brush her hair away from her face lightly and take her chin in my hand. "I can't tell you how much it is," I whisper.

"What?" She looks confused.

"Mutual. When those things are mutual." It feels like I'm about to cry. "I can't tell you how much--how nice it is." I pull her to me and crush her against me as gently as I can without hurting her, trying to convey what I can't say.

I have to let go of her before the feel of her and the smell of her drive me insane, because obviously, I can't do what I want to do, I don't want to do what I want to do.

As I try to calm my breathing, all while not breathing, she just looks down at the ground.

I take her hand and pull her towards the car. She opens the passenger door, gets in slowly.

"It's that girl, right?" She asks quietly, once we're both in.

"What?" I look away from her, but I know what she means. Exactly what she means.

"The girl. When Claire...with the guy with red hair. The pale...beautiful girl. The...okay, I guess she was a vampire."

"What about her?" I'm cautious, I can't help it.

"It's her? Who...you were talking about?"

"I wasn't talking about anyone."

"Yeah, well."

"Uh..." What good would it do to lie? I can't anyways, lie to her. And why should I? "Yeah."

"Oh." She looks up at me slowly. "What's her name?"

"Bella." It's just a name. Seriously. What had a name done to me all these years?

"Do you--never mind." Emotions cross her face, her eyes, before she turns and looks down--sorrow, and just a plain resignedness. She bite she bites her lip. "Right. Well..."

"Wait, Annie--I don't love her anymore. Not for a while, I haven't, I swear."

"Oh. Sorry."

"No, it's fine. I mean, come on. It's ridiculous. How many year--" I break off, but not soon enough. How many years ago was that? Too many. And she caught it. She was trying to act like she hadn't but I could tell she did.

"Why not?" She asks a few moments later.

"Why not what?"

"I mean, look at her. How can you not..."

"Bella's...different." I frown. How can I explain this? "She's...not the same person I fell in love with. And I'm not either, not now." Now. Right now. Or rather, a few months ago, but the same idea.

"What do you mean?"

"She's a vampire."

"Well, yeah, but..."

I'm a werewolf. Werewolves don't love vampires. Werewolves love the idea of a human who's actually a vampire. Or at least _a_ werewolf.

"I loved her when she was human." When I was human. Well, also when I wasn't. But when I was, too.

She gasps slightly. "Human?"

"Yeah. She was changed." I shrug. _Shrug. _Are you serious? I shrug about Bella Swan--or rather, Cullen--being changed into a filthy, stinking parasite. It's amazing, it's a miracle, it's a--

Why is it that the pack's in my head even when I'm not a wolf?

I try to concentrate of the road, but it's harder than I'd have thought it would be, considering.

"How did you know?" I try to distract myself by asking her...but it was really stupid, as hearing her voice wasn't exactly helping either.

"How did I know what?" I don't want to turn and look at her, but she says, "Oh. Um...I just did?"

"Annie..."

"Just the way you looked at her. That's all. I don't know. I can't read minds or anything."

I flinch instinctively, but what she said...well, it made me think. One, how I _looked_ at her? How did I look at her? With disgust? The smell _was_ disgusting. But...why would she even care? Of course it mattered, that she...noticed. Annie, not Bella. She noticed. It's...unthinkable, but then, why? It's not like I wasn't aware of _her_.

But also...she can't read minds, but someone else can. Could, then. But no. My mind discarded the idea as soon as I thought it. Then I would be just like Edward, who I hated for so long but now can acutally see...well, no. I can't. The only good thing about him is that he doesn't kill humans, but he still kills animals...I can't talk, no one really can, except vegetarians, I guess, but still...the blood...it's disgusting. No way I'd ask him. I could just ask her. Some time. Later.

Her cheeks are red and her head's bowed down slightly, and I want to say something, anything, but what can I say?

"Here. Wait--this is..."

"Oh. Sorry." I stop the car and she starts to climb out, and I jump out and come around the side. She turns to look at me.

"Thanks, for...coming, making..."

"No, thanks for coming and asking me..."

"Yeah, I'm glad I didn't chicken out."

"Me too." She smiles and I have to return it. She raises a hand in a half-wave and starts up to her house, disappearing moments later.

--

Sam cracks up when he sees me. Seriously, you'd think I was...well, anyone, really, other than me. No one really...laughs when they...see me. Hear me. Except someone. Someone Bella.

Usually. And Sam? Now? After what happened to Claire, and being in Quil's head, he laughs? And I never even said anything.

He won't even tell me why. He stopped after the, "You just..."

I just shrug and roll my eyes, and that makes him laugh harder, then he gives me this _look_, like...I don't even know. A _you are such an idiot _sort of look.

Then Seth appearts out of the kitchen and rolls his eyes, mutters something. Emily just smiles, Sam wraps his arms around her, but doesn't stop laughing.


	6. Chapter 6

_When you're weary  
Feeling small  
When tears are in your eyes  
I will dry them all  
--Bride Over Troubled Water by Simon and Garfunkel_

* * *

Not only does Sam laugh, but Leah cries.

It goes from fits of hilarity to crushing...crying.

Not because of me, no, not at me. No way. I mean, I don't know why, all I know is that I walk into the kitchen, Jack walks out seconds later after sitting in the corner depressedly, and Leah's just shaking in the other corner.

I don't realize at first what's actually happening, that she's actually crying. Her knees are drawn up to her chin, her arms wrapped around her legs...

I think maybe she's laughing. Maybe the same joke Sam and Seth seem to be sharing.

But no.

I'm frozen for a second, until Jack's sudden departure snaps me back to my senses. So, helpfully, the first words out of my mouth are, "Leah? What happened? Are you okay?"

She just turns even farther away, doesn't respond, but the sobs shake her shoulders roughly.

I put my hand lightly on her shoulder but she flinches away from me.

"Leah? What the he--"

"Go away, Jacob," she says, deadly quiet. I try not to feel it, but it hurts.

"Leah--"

"Fine, then I'll leave--" And she does exactly that, stands up and walks out of the kitchen, out of the house.

I follow her. I catch her wrist in my hand and spin her towards me.

"Leave me alone, Jacob," she hisses.

"This isn't about Sam, is it, because if it is..." I repeat her many words to me, just the same, only _Sam_ instead of _Bella_.

"Of course it's not about _Sam_." I can't read the expression in her tear-filled red-rimmed eyes. Just anger. Burning, simmering, explosive anger.

But she's holding her shape together.

"Leah, I don't know what to--"

"You don't have to do anything, except leave."

Okay, so she's angry at someone, something, something that happened--but why is she acting like she hates me so much?

"Did I...do something to you?"

She's still staying, and that's something. She's not running away. "Of course you did something, Jacob, you always do something."

I couldn't stop myself fram gasping slightly. "You're not--oh, Leah--I'm sorry, I never--"

"I'm not in love with you," she snaps, and I breath a sigh of relief. "Egotistical jerk," she mutters.

Right before she starts crying again. She stumbles away half backwards as the tears spill out and over her cheeks. "Go--go awa--" she chokes slightly on her tears, runs a hand furiously across her eyes.

"Leah..." I step closer to her and try to pull her back inside, but she yanks away from me, crashing against a tree. Her eyes are wide, like she's scared of me or something.

"If this isn't about Sam, what is it about?"

"You're not in love with...Bella Swan anymore--but it still affects you." Leah stumbles over her words slightly.

"This is about Sam," I sigh.

"It's not! Why do you even care, anyways--you just go find your stupid little--" She breaks off, hisses in a breath. "Whatever." Turns to walk away.

"Leah, talk to me, please--"

"Like hell I'm talking to you."

"Like hell you're not talking to me."

"You're not making me angry enough to phase, Jacob--you're not going to."

"Watch me."

She smiles slightly, bitter and sad, through her tears. "This is going to be good."

I sit on the ground, keeping my eyes on her, a stupid smile on my face. "I can wait," I say.

"What the hell?"

"You can talk to me as a human or you can talk to me as a wolf, but either way, I'll find out eventualy. And as to why I care--well, you can work that one out on your own." So I'm not _angry_ at her, just a little...pissed off. Just because she's not my imprint doesn't mean I don't care about her, about how she feels.

I say as much to her. She snorts.

"Leah, don't be ridiculous."

"Hah! I'm being ridiculous? Guess whose serotonin levels have gone insane in the last three hours? I swear when you came in the house we all got a boost." Her voice is cold and hard and tough...like before, when she thought thoughts we all would rather not hear, tormented me because of Bella and Embry because of his dad, Sam and Emily...

I can't even begin to guess what happened to start it.

And I have no idea what to say.

"Please, Leah, just tell me what happened."

"You want to know what happened? You really, _really_ want to know what happened?" I nod. "You fucking _imprinted_, Jacob, that's what happened."

"Wha--but--_what_?" I splutter. "I thought you said you--what the hell--"

"No, I'm not in love with you, for the millionth time. I'd think you'd be able to tell if I was, because guess what? _You can read my mind!"_ She spits the words out.

"Then why the _hell_ does it matter if I imprinted or not?"

"You're too happy to understand."

"Excuse me?" That must have been one of the most ridiculous things I've ever heard in my life. "Excuse me for imprinting, Leah, excuse me for having a life and being happy after thirteen years of doing exactly what you're doing now--sitting and moping all day!"

"Are you really happy?" Her hands shake, she shakes her head. "I aplogize for having my heart broken, Jacob. I thought you of all people would have understood that."

--

"What did you _do_ to her, Jake?"

I sputter incoherently as Seth tries not to threaten me, but does anyways. He can't really help it--I don't blame him.

"You were like the only person she could actually talk to, trust, understand her, all that..._what did you do to her?"_

"Seth, I swear--she just started crying, I tried to talk to her--then she's--"

"Have you heard her thoughts? She's angry as hell at you!" He steps foward and I back away.

"Seth, relax, please." It's not an order, but he snarls at me anyways. "And no, I haven't heard her thoughts. Obviously." I roll my eyes. "Why don't you spend your energy on trying to help her instead of trying to kill me?"

His body starts shaking and I'm away from him in a second, my hands up in surrender. "Okay, okay! I'm going to talk to her. Relax," I tell him again, and set off out the door.

I find her eventually, sitting on the cliffs, watching the sun drop down into the ocean. Her eyes narrow when she sees me, and she wraps her arms around herself again.

I sit down next to her, trying to think of what exactly to do, but I can't think of anything that wouldn't backfire horrible, so I'm silent.

"I'm sorry," she finally says, after what seems like forever. "I'm sorry, Jake, I'm so sorry." And she's crying again, suddenly. I wrap my arms around her, and she buries her face against my chest. "I'm sorry," she mumbles again. "I'm sorry, sorry..."

"Shh..." I tell her, taking a deep breath as I try to calm her. "It's okay. You're sorry. For what?"

"I'm just sorry...I shouldn't have...I was such a bitch--" She breaks off, the sobs come harder.

"Leah, stop it. You didn't even do anything."

"Of course I did something! Don't be an idiot."

I pull away from her, frowing. "Will you please tell me what happened? I'm dying from curiosity."

"Yeah, right," she scoffs, eyes glistening.

"You really need to get it in your head that people care about you, Leah. Seriously? Just deal with it."

She looks down. "It's just easier to pretend they...don't."

"Yeah, well, it would have been easier to kill yourself fourteen years ago, but you didn't do that, did you?"

"I thought about it," she whispers. "If it wasn't for my mom and Seth, I probably would have."

I sigh. "Oh, Leah." She breathes against me softly.

"I'm sorry, I can't--I shouldn't--"

"Leah. What happened? Just tell me."

"I--Jake...nothing happened, okay?"

"Of course something happaned."

"You don't know what you're talking about." She sits up and wipes her tears away angrily.

"I know exactly what I'm talking about. You don't do that every day--why did you today?"

"Jake," she says through clenched teeth. "I don't want to talk about this."

"Too bad."

"I hate you."

"No you don't."

She growls softly. "Fine! It's your damn imprinting, like I said."

"Why?" I ask simply.

"Because, Jacob, it just makes me realize that I'm even more of a looser than I was before."

_"What?"_

"Exactly what I said."

"Leah--"

"There's nothing wrong with Sam, there's nothing wrong with Emily, there's not even anything wrong with you, as we've just found out. Embry and Seth and Collin and Brady, hell, even Jack--they're all going to find their soul mates eventually. And me? I'm a freak."

"You know that's not tru--"

"Do I? Do I really, Jake? Then why haven't I imprinted yet?" She shakes her head, trying to hold back tears.

"Beacuse--you just haven't seen, you haven't found--" I stop.

"Like you actually believe that," she mutters. "It doesn't matter, Jake."

"Of course it matters." She just shrugs and looks out at the ocean, wide and dark and endless.

"Imprinting's not the only thing that matters."

"Really?" She doesn't believe me one bit.

"It's overrated, Leah."

She spins to face me. "Overrated? And whose been--"

"I said _imprinting_ is overrated, not the person you imprint on."

"You're lying."

"I'm not," I insisted.

"Jake, it doesn't matter if it's _overrated_, whatever that even means."

"What do you mean, it doesn't matter?"

"If it makes you happy and it makes you forget, it's worth whatever it is."

I sigh and run my hands over my face. "Yeah," I mutter. "It is." She doesn't need to know how wrong she is.

"Does it just disappear?" She asks me a few minutes later.

"Of course not, Leah, nothing would make it just disappear." I laugh quietly without humor. "Are you joking?"

"No, I wasn't," she snaps.

"Jeez, Leah!" I frown at her in the dark. "That's not all," I accuse her slowly. "That's not all you..."

"Yeah, it is, sorry to disappoint."

"Shut up, it's not. Talk."

"Shut up and talk? Just because I'm a freak of a werewolf doesn't mean I can do the impossible."

I glare at her.

"Jake, come on. You're going to see my thoughts anyways. Just wait a while."

"Yeah, I can, and I will, but I know we would both prefer it if you just told me now."

"Jake..."

"Leah."

"Why are you so annoying!" She throws up her hands. "Fine. But just because I'm too tired to fight you anymore. You should feel horribly guilty."

"Oh, it's devestating."

She smacks my arm, but she's silent.

"I'm waiting."

She sighs and rolls her eyes. "Well, that, what I said before. And also just...back when Sam...you know, I was...I was just...scared, because I'd thought I would have him forever. I had thought--I had thought I'd never be alone, that I wouldn't die alone, or anything." She stops for a second, takes a deep breath. "When I realized it would be Emily with him forever, and not me...that I wouldn't have anyone...that was...I don't know, Jake, you're better with words than me."

"And now?" I prompt her to keep talking. I know all this already; being in her head for thirteen years wasn't comepletely useless.

"Now--just let me finish, okay?"

"Sure, sure."

"I mean, well, once I joined the pack...even if you guys hated me, at least I wasn't completely alone. I mean, I still was, but...sometimes it was nice having other people in your head. You know. Actually, you wouldn't know, because you've always had Quil and Embry. But it was just...no, look, it was like having friends, only they hated me. It sucked. A lot. But it was better than being human and miserable and alone."

"So being a werewolf and miserable and alone was so much better?"

"Shut up. Yes, it was. Knowing that I could...you know, run fast, kill vampires..._purpose, _Jake, it was just something that I could live for. And then Bella Swan came along, and then Bella Swan left, and there was finally someone who didn't hate me, someone who I thought maybe wouldn't imprint and leave me like everyone else--and now...now that's he's--_you've_ gone and imprinted--"

"Well, _sorry_, really, because it's my _fault_--"

"I know it's not your fault. You think I don't know that?" She laughs like I had before, humorlessly. "Well, now that you've _gone and imprinted, _everything's like it was before you came along, only a hundred times worse."

"Worse?" I asked blankly.

"Yes, worse. Because Sam's going to stop phasing soon, and Jared's thinking about it too, definetely going to, and soon Quil's going to be next, then just watch Embry imprint, then...then _Seth--_you'll all be _dead_, gone, all except for me. Everyone. Even my mom, Billy, Emily, Kim...Everyone."

"And you can't stop phasing because...?"

"Then I'll have even less of a chance to meet someone! I won't be able to imprint! I'll be alone, and worse than being young and strong and alone, I'll be weak and dying and alone."

"You're not going to die alone."

"How do you know?"

"If I'm alive you're not going to die alone."

"Oh, and what a comfort that is," she replies sarcastically.

"Thanks a ton."

"No, Jake--that's not what I meant. I meant that...that's not what I'm worried about, is dying alone. You know that. It's _living_ alone..."

"Yeah."

"What do I do, Jake?" She whispers.

I sigh, again. "I don't know, Leah, I don't know."

She lets her breath out heavily, and I wrap my arms around her instinctively. "You're not alone," is all I can say to her. "You're never going to be alone. I promise."

"Thanks," I think I hear her whisper.

We sit there for a while, I just run my hands over her back, trying to offer what little comfort I can. I realize just how lucky I really am--or is it luck? Is it _un_luck? Is it really a good thing? And then I think of Annie and I...of course it's a good thing.

But it is a little strange that I care so much about this girl who I hardly know. I mean, here, Leah, who I've known...my entire life, really...

Too bad I didn't imprint on _her_. That would work out perfectly, as long as she had also imprinted on me. And I find myself wondering, thinking about the possibilities...

She would be happy, I know that. Not necessarily because of me, but I know that if there was imprinting involved, we would both be happy. But...I don't know why that seems more _right._ It was unnerving, especially with her here in my arms...

It could be easy. Really, really, _very_ easy. All I'd have to do was turn my head a bit--

_No. _What am I thinking? What's wrong with me?

I shove her away as gently as I can, stand up abruptly. I try to ignore the shocked, hurt, then just resigned look in her eyes as I run back into the forest.

I can't phase, I realize. Because she might and I _can't_ let her see this. I have to forget about it completely before I even _see_ her again, let alone let her into my head. I panic slightly. How exactly was I going to forget about _that? _My thoughts hadn't exactly been _forgetable_. But now I'm thinking them again. What the _hell_ is wrong with me? Just forget, it's not that hard--

It's impossible.

No it's not. Just forget.

It's a bit hard to forget.

Just a possibility.

Just a possibility. That's all it is, really. Not even a _real_ possibility.

I run as a human. It feels sort of wrong, but I have to run and I can't phase, so I run human. Maybe this is what It'll be like when I'm human again...it's definetely going to be strange, being human again.

Because I _am_ going to be human again. It's just a matter of years.

I don't really see what's wrong with her. Leah, I mean. What is it about us that doesn't match?

I'm starting to think imprinting's just a load of bull.

* * *

_So...I'm in a little bit of a dilemma. I mean, I started to write this as a Jacob/Annie story, but after this chapter...it just made me think that I like Jacob/Leah so much more. If I do Jacob/Annie, will it seem too generic? It feels like I can't really write anything new there. It's been done. Not that Jacob/Leah hasn't, but..._

_Would that be too horrible?_

_Please, PLEASE tell me what you think. Because I think I'm leaning towards Leah myself...please review or send me a message and tell me. (And just forget about the whole imprinting thing. I have a way of dealing with that, just tell me who you'd prefer him to end up with: Leah, Annie, or no one...he can be all miserable and alone...or happy and alone! You never know.)_

_So, seriously, if you're reading this, if you can review and tell me...it would help me a ton. You don't even need to say anything else if you really don't want to--Just say who you'd prefer. Thanks!!_


	7. Chapter 7

Annie laid her head down in the roses.  
She had ribbons, ribbons, ribbons, in her long brown hair.  
I don't know, maybe it was the roses,  
All I know I could not leave her there.

-It Must Have Been the Roses by The Grateful Dead

--

I make my decision, finally. Really, it wasn't that hard, if I think about it.

The thing that really changed my mind was Bella. Seeing her deliberate, wait and wait and make me and Edward wait and what it did to me...I wasn't about to do that to anyone.

Plus, Leah would probably laugh in my face if she even knew I was thinking about...anything to do with her. Which I wasn't.

So I call her. What the hell, what can possibly happen? If I wait, what good would that do me?

"Um...hey." I try to ignore the hesitation in her voice. She sounds distracted.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, of course." She sneezes. "Yeah." Her voice is oddly muffled.

"Okay...well..."

"I was just about to call you, actually."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

I bite my lip. "What for?"

"Um...well, I was just..." She pauses. "Just wondering if you wanted to hang out or something."

I'm clutching the phone so tightly I'm surprised it doesn't crack in half.

"Well, what a surprise. That's what I was doing."

"Oh." She sounds strange. "Oh. That's good."

"So...when are you...free?"

"Oh, I dunno, whenever. I mean--wait, I told Claire I'd go over there, but she's doing something with Quil or something..."

"Yeah, he th--mentioned it...I'll just meet you at Claire's, then, when Quil's going."

"Okay."

"Is that okay?"

"Yeah. Yeah, that's fine."

--

The first thing I hear when I walk into Claire's house is laughter. Claire laughing, and my name.

"You think..._Jake_...you think he..._oh, god_..."

"No, I don't--" Annie's saying, but Quil opens the door before she can finish. Claire's wiping her eyes and Annie's just sitting, staring at her like she's crazy.

Claire gets up, smiles at Quil, grabs his hand, and says over her shoulder, "Don't worry, Annie, it's not true," and leaves. Just like that, Quil gives me one last glance and he leaves.

I wish so much it was that easy for us.

"Hey," she says, standing up and smiling slightly at me. "Sorry about that."

"No, it's fine...what was...what did Claire think was so funny?"

"Oh, nothing."

"Really."

"No, really, Jake. Nothing."

I shrug and hold out my hand, wondering right afterwards how I could be so stupid, but then she takes it and just the feel of her hand in mine is enough to drive me insane.

I take a deep breath and squeeze her hand almost unconsciously. "So what do you want to do? Or where to go?"

"I'm not sure...we could just go into town, get something to eat."

"Okay."

As we walk, we talk, slowly and carefully, and I look at the ground, at my flip-flops and her half-destroyed converse. Then I realize it's freezing, and I'm wearing shorts and a t-shirt and flip flops, and I sigh and try to just tell myself to tell her, but she's not asking, and even though that doesn't mean she doesn't want to know, I tell myself I'll tell her later.

"Jake?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I ask you a question?"

Shit. Right after I'd thought that, too.

I sigh. "Yeah."

"It's not about...okay, so, if you don't want to tell me, why do you...talk to me at all? I mean," she continues hurriedly, "I'm not objecting, I just can't do this when it feels like--" She breaks off, and instead of looking at the ground she looks at me. We had stopped walking, and I take both her hands in mine and look in her eyes.

"I want to tell you. I have to tell you. I just can't do it right. Nothing seems right." I pause. "This weekend we're having a bonfire--the p--Quil, and Claire, and the rest--Embry and Sam and Emily...we're having a bonfire and...can you come? Because that'll explain things and then I'll tell you, and..."

"Yeah," she said. "Yeah, I can come."

"Okay. Good. Cool."

We walk again, our fingers entwined. After a few minutes of silence, I take my other hand and run it through my hair.

"Annie? Why does this have to be so awkward?"

"What?"

"Why does this--"

"No, I heard you, I just...I don't think it's awkward."

"You don't?" I glanced at her skeptically.

"Okay, well, maybe. But what do you expect?"

I think, think of my memories, which aren't much help, then of the pack's, which are just a mess. I think of Jared and Kim, but they're all blurry, and Sam and Emily, which don't help, because they had so much shit to deal with.

We have nothing like that, and I swear to myself that I'm not going to mess it up.

"So," I say. "Coffee?"

"Sure." She smiles, and her hair glitters in the foggy light. She shivers.

"You cold?" I ask.

"A bit." She shrugs. "It's okay."

I wrap my arm around her shoulders. At least I can do this much. She leans closer to me, and I shiver, but obviously not from the cold.

I don't know if I've ever realized it, but Bella was _really_ short. It seems like such a stupid thing, but with Annie I didn't have to bend down so much to touch her, lean over to look in her eyes.

"Why're you so wa--oh, sorry." She smiles sheepishly, and I can't help but laugh. There's nothing funny, it's just that I feel so light. So free.

We get to the cafe, and she orders something with so many words I've never even heard before, and the person at the counter greets her.

"Nonfat cappuccino girl! Who're you with?" He waggles his eyebrows suggestively, looking at me.

"Oh, shut up," she replies, but she's smiling.

"Nonfat cappuccino?" I question, raising my eyebrows at her. She laughs, seeming so much more relaxed here.

"They're not actually nonfat," she tells me, jerking her thumb towards the guy at the counter. "He likes to annoy me--I ordered it once, and he won't let me hear the end of it."

The guy disappears, and two minutes later comes back with two cups, and, handing them to us, says, "Don't worry about it, it's on the house."

"No, I couldn't--"

"Oh, please." He just waves me away, talks to the next customer.

Annie looks at me and smiles. "Come on, let's go outside."

We walk along the road, sipping our coffees.

"So you go there often?" I ask her.

"Yeah, a few times a week, I guess." She shrugs.

I make some sound of response, looking at her from the corner of my eye, and meeting hers.

"Here, let's go back to my house," she says. "There's no one home right now."

My heart thumps loudly. "Okay."

We're about ten minutes away. "Where's your family?"

"I think my mom took my sisters shoe shopping or something, and my dad's at work."

I grin. "Maybe you should've gone with them, shoe shopping?" I look down at her shoes and raise my eyebrows.

"Hey! I like my shoes," she says. "What about you? I'm sure you'd have tons of fun there with my sisters, _and_ you'd get something that actually kept you warm."

"I like my shoes too," I say, avoiding the last part of what she said.

"Yeah, everyone's always bugging me about it." She shrugs.

It strikes me that we're talking about shoes.

Right.

"So," I say. "What were you and Claire talking about before?"

She blushes, groans, hides her face in her hands. "Nothing," she mumbles.

"Oh, come on."

"No, really. It's...embarrassing."

I roll my eyes and I can see her eyes through her fingers.

"Are you hungry?" She asks suddenly, walking towards the kitchen and looking over her shoulder.

"Yeah. Yeah, I am."

"I am too, so...how about some..." She pulls out a bag of chips and a jar of nutella.

"No way."

"It's good. Trust me." She takes a chip, dips it in the jar, and hands it to me. "Really."

When I take it, our fingers brush together. I eat it.

"Mm," I say. "It's good."

She grins. "See?" And takes one herself.

There's a bit of nutella on the corner of her lips.

"You have..." I say, reach over, press my thumb against her lips and wipe it off. She's staring at me, at my eyes, her big gold-brown eyes. My own eyes flicker to her lips, full and red.

She tilts her head up and I lean down a few inches and our lips meet.

It's like every thing in the books only not, because then I was only reading about it, and like everything in everyone's thoughts, only not, because then it was just in their thoughts.

I run my fingers through her long soft hair and all I can think of apart from her is _imprint_ and I think I _should_ hate it, because I've _always_ hated imprinting, but how can I hate something this good?

--

We break apart, I don't know how much longer. Her cheeks are red, her eyes wide.

"Oh, dammit, whatever, I'll just tell you now, I can't wait till the bonfire." I run my fingers through my hair.

She laughs a shaky laugh. "If that was all it took, I would have done it sooner."

I half-laugh, leading her towards the couch. We sit, and I wrap my arm around her shoulders, then think better of it, and take it back. She looks at me strangely, but when I do tell her, I don't want to have to bear her pulling away from me. If she does, if we're not touching, it won't be as bad, I tell myself.

She takes hold of my hand, and I can't let it go. I grip it tightly.

"So," I say.

"So."

"So, I'm..."

"Yes?"

"You'll still come to the bonfire, right? That is, if you want to. It'll explain it better, and you'll get the stories..."

"Stories?"

"Yeah, okay. So, you know how there were...vampires? At Sam and Emily's?"

"With Claire?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, so...you already said you're not one."

"No. I'm not. None of us are. Wait! First, you need to know, we're not dangerous, not to you, not to anyone. Except the vampires."

"So you do kill vampires."

"Yeah."

"Like Buffy?"

"Like...no. Not like Buffy."

"Like Angel?"

"Not like Angel. That's the Cullens." She was getting closer, and I thought to tell her before she came to a conclusion that was completely wrong--

"Like Oz?"

"What?" I knew from looking over Rachel's shoulder as she watched exactly who Oz was. And what he did every full moon. And how he looked.

"Sort of."

"Really?"

"No, wait." I sigh. "No, because the vamps that actually exist aren't anything like in Buffy. And we're...we don't phase at full moon. We phase when we need to, and when we're angry, and we're not dangerous, and we know who we are when we're in wolf form, and we don't phase at full moon, and the vampires aren't people, vampires aren't people, look at what they did to Claire, and no, not like that, because we're..._wolves_, and we look like wolves, and Bella said she thought we were sort of cute, in a way, and as long as I didn't try to--no, because we look like oversized, furry, fluffy, wolves, not like mutated teddy bears like Oz, and--"

"Jake."

I close my eyes and whisper, "Sorry."

My head drops into my hands, my palms pressed against my eyes. "I'm sorry," I mumble. "I'm sorry I ever brought you into this, I'm sorry you had to--I'm sorry I ki--I'm so sorry."

"What are you talking about?"

"What?"

"Why are you sorry? You said you weren't dangerous."

"And you believe me?"

"You think it's perfectly reasonable to believe it when you tell me you're a werewolf, but not when you tell me you're not dangerous?"

"No, I...oh, god."

"Jake." She brushes my hair away from my eyes, her fingers lingering on my forehead. "Can you show me?"

"What?"

"Can you show me? You said Bella said you were cute, she must've--" She breaks off.

"Are you sure that's the best idea?"

"Why wouldn't it be? I'm not going to be scared of you, I promise, I'm not scared of you."

"Okay."

We stand up, and I hesitate for a second at the door. Giving her a quick kiss on her cheek, I tell her I'll be back in a second and slip outside.

Walking into the trees surrounding her house, I stop a few yards in. Leaning against the rough bark of a tree, I breathe for a minute, trying to calm my nerves, nerves fluttering in my stomach.

Then I strip and phase, and lope back through the trees. I lie down on the grass out of the shadows of the trees, and she walks towards me, not too slow, not too fast, kneeling down close to me, holding out her hand. On an impulse, I lick it, and she laughs, a full, happy laugh, and buries her fingers in the fur of my neck, smiling, scooting closer, pressing herself closer to me, shivering.

My tail's swishing back and forth on the grass.

"This is not at all what I was expecting," she says. I turn my head up to look at her, meeting her eyes. I cock my head, hoping she'll keep talking.

"I mean...you're just like a wolf. Like a giant wolf with Jacob's eyes. It's weird."

I blink. "But, I mean, not bad weird. Good weird. Definitely good weird."

I do my best to smile, and she laughs again.

"I really like you, Jake," she says, and it feels like something's fluttering around in my stomach again. "I mean...it feels...strange, saying this to a wolf, to wolf-you, not human-you, but I guess it's..." She trails off, shrugs. "Easier."

I nod.

"So, what else can you do, or not do? Are you actually like a...werewolf?"

I grimace slightly at her, and she blushes, laughs. "Oh, god. Right. You are a...wolf. Wolves can't talk. Right. Well, I'll just ask you later, then."

Something about the way she moved even closer, wrapped her arms around me, laughed when I scooted closer, burying my nose in her hand, made me so incredibly _happy_. And it was so pure, so simple, as a wolf, I felt like I almost drowned in it.


End file.
